Monday, November 29, 2010
I got to take about an hour nap before we braved the crowds. Sis and I got out about 3am and shopped until about noon. We did well, and had fun. :)
T and Lil M made gingerbread cookies on Saturday. And then cupcakes on Sunday. We got the Christmas tree put up (but not decorated yet). We went through Lil M's toys and pulled out some to give away. She even helped. :) I was very proud.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
When I took Lil M on Friday, she had to have 5 immunizations for her 4 year record. As if that wasn't bad enough, she also needed to be tested for her previous immunizations (the ones from China) and some other general blood tests. So, one more needle there. Then, she had a TB test... and another needle. All together, 7 pricks. :( needless to say, it didn't go over too well. But we survived and she didn't have any major issues that night or over the weekend because of it, Thank God.
I got the blood test results back today, and all are normal. Including a test for Lead, anemia and hemoglobin. All normal. Thank God.
Even after all that, Lil M seemed to like the new Dr OK. She even asked me the nurse's name yesterday. So, I guess it wasn't as traumatizing as it seemed Friday!! Thank God. :)
Now onto Thanksgiving week and Black Friday. :D
Monday, November 15, 2010
Not all children want to be adopted.
Foster kids think we're broken, too. They have fears about foster care, and know that they are considered outcasts. My most recent respite girl told me that when she went into FC that her parents told her that we were all evil and would hurt her. :( yikes.
The kids I've had don't fully understand my situation. Even they question adoption and why I've become a parent the way I have. Not question in a bad way, but they definitely ask questions.
Part of me thinks that T will stay with me longer than we thought... hopefully, into her first semester of college, even. I say this because someone asked her if she was 18 why didn't she leave... and she said... she doesn't have anywhere else to go. And the way she said it kind of broke my heart. I hate it for her that she hasn't had a stable home-life prior to FC. And even in FC she was with another family before me. And I understand why she might not think it all puppies and roses when she thinks of FC. It really is a double-edged sword.
All I can do is try to be the base of that sword and keep her as close to me as possible. Trying to not let her get hurt on those sharp edges if I can help it. Soften the edges, even, if possible.
My basis of understanding is different from T's. (my family might be a bit dysfunctional, but it is still full-well in tact)
Her basis of understanding is different from Lil M's. (her family is definitely dysfunctional, and she struggles to keep it)
Lil M's basis of understanding is also different, and no less complicated. (her family is me and someone she may never, ever know. she didn't get to keep it, dysfunctional or not. and then, of course, she does have our family... )I set out to change the world... and instead, it sought out and won a change in me. (seems like there might be a famous quote similar to this thought, but it escapes me - might be "I set out to change the world, and instead it changed me".)
I don't know what it all means. But I do know that fostering is important. Adoption is important. And above all FAMILY is important. They both are good in some ways. They are both painful.
I pray that those families that can be healed before foster or adoption need to occur are able to be healed. I pray that even if they can't be healed prior to FC or adoption, that they be healed someday. I do pray for peace for all their broken hearts... there are just too many.
This is National Adoption Month. Please help our children in any way you can... mentoring, fostering, adopting are all beneficial and there is great need for children everywhere to be supported and loved.
Added... when I said I wanted to change the world, I didn't mean that quite as literally as it sounded. But I do believe that we can be the change we want to see in the world. I also know that even though others don't always understand me, nor me them... that I respect many family types and I pray that other peoples' hearts start opening up to that fact, as well. I am so blessed and at peace with where God would have me in this world. It is my heart song that we love the Lord our God, and our neighbors as ourselves.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Lil M was in extremely rare form today. First, she got in all kinds of trouble all day. She gave the baby candy, she and the baby were 'bouncing' on the bed... she and the baby sat on top of a table where they weren't allowed.... All while the teen mom was in proximity. So much for that. Then, tonight she got more candy knowing she needed to ask first. Needless to say, I was none too happy and she got in trouble again. :(
Now, you're probably thinking... this is typical behavior for a 4 year old. And, most 4 year olds you'd be right. But, Lil M doesn't usually just completely disregard the rules. She is usually pretty easy to correct. Not this weekend. :( Kind of bums me out, actually... 'cause I'm worried this might be a trend, and kind of worried I've not been paying enough attention to her... at the right times.
I have a feeling she was pretty jealous of the baby this weekend. Which, I guess I wanted to learn because we'll have one in the house come January.
Then, on top of it, she kept asking me about the woman whose tummy she was in. Once, I was so cavalier as to believe that not having answers would be OK and that it wouldn't be too hard to explain. Boy, was I wrong. I try to keep it straight forward and in 4 year old language... but, frankly, I don't know what to say.
The teen asked me a lot of questions this weekend, too. This being adoption month makes me think about how lucky I am to have Lil M. But it also makes me realize even more that other people just don't get it. They don't get adoption. What has felt so completely natural to me, is just not seen that way by others. Why aren't you married? Are you infertile? Why didn't you have one of your own?
I get it from both sides. Lil M wants to know whose tummy she was in, and others want to know what's wrong with me. Yeah. Not.
And me, well, I realize that I need to come up with my own answers.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
T wasn't here when it happened... wonder how she would have reacted. She told me she doesn't need parenting classes. Oh really?? Right. Well... don't even get me started.
The two girls will only be here until tomorrow or Sunday at the latest. And God must have known, 'cause my class was canceled for tomorrow!!! WOOHOO. Mommy needs to sleep. I do not feel well. My head is going to explode now... and throat hurts and feel like I'm getting a cold. I hope it passes very quickly.
Lil M and I did get to see Auntie Ellen today!! She is doing very well. I'm so utterly thankful to God for taking such good care of her. We had some Indian food at this little restaurant we like. Yum. Ellen was having some cabin fever and so it was good to get her out of the house for a bit. She got good news today that her test results came back negative. Thank You God. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
So... I plead temporary insanity today... the snot made me do it. ROFL. (ewww, that's so gross, lol)
Man, how soon we forget about the screaming and the baby-proofing!!! It's amazing how quickly after the age of 3 that one forgets all the stuff a baby can get into so quickly! Please pray for my sanity this weekend. And for us when T's baby comes. Lord have mercy. I'm not even sure how that's going to work. I'm concerned that T will be quite overwhelmed... unless, the baby is not a crier... and what are the odds of that?
OMG, and Lil M asked me today... Mommy, did the other woman who had me in her tummy give me a name? What was my name? (not exact words, but pretty close).... um??? WHAT? Noodle on that one y'all.
I have told her in the past she was called by another name, but never in that way before. So, I asked her what she thought she was called... she said something like "leaf" (not exact) ... which made me laugh. I said, I bet she called you Goose... she said no, probably "leaf" (not exact, 'cause my brain is foggy from the snot) ... it was all just so very odd. I didn't expect that level of question until she was much older. This all happened in the 5 minutes it takes to get to her DC in the morning. egad. So, clearly, I need to sit down and go through it again with her... not much more information, just make sure she knows we can talk about it for more than 30 seconds at a time. :)
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
The biggest change has been the move. Going from my son and I in our own house, to sharing a home with main man and best friend, B, and his three (yes, I said 3) kids. Wow! Not sure what I was thinking... haha, oh and the four dogs...
So, I had a month and a half for this move and really thought that would be plenty enough time to get it all done. With the help of a lot of people and the kids, I was able to get the keys turned in the day before the end of the month. Not too bad, considering how much stuff I have... I gave a full truck load and jeep load to Goodwill and put an unbelievable amount of boxes on the curb, that someone stopped and picked up thankfully! I felt horrible putting all that stuff out there, but we had already made two trips to Goodwill and the muffler on the truck fell off during the second trip, so I decided the rest would have to be put out on the curb. Even after getting rid of so much, there is still way too much! Our two-car garage is completely full and at some point I am going to have to pare that down some more... big fun!
Just before the decision to move, I signed up for classes and am a college student again (can you say "lifer" haha). I don't care if I'm 80 years old, I will get a degree, period. It could seriously take me that long... holy cow! What was I thinking? Obviously I wasn't ;) so now my nights are filled with homework, homework, and yes more homework.
Now, on top of this, I am also facing huge changes at work. And I sure wish I could say they are good changes, but I can't. Right now I may just be out of a job at the end of the year. I did send my resume to a few places, but haven't had any responses yet. Oh, except for all of the junk in my email box :( Ones that say something to the effect of "we received your resume and you appear to be more qualified than our other candidates ...we have selected you and 5 others out of 100 ...go to this site and complete a credit report, or test, etc." I wonder how many people fall for these?! I could really use some credible leads...
On the home front, C has been doing great. He is handling the move much better than I expected. He loves being in a neighborhood that has kids in it and sidewalks. Now he can ride his bike anytime he wants to =) Of course, with good shall come bad. His father hasn't shown up to visit on Wednesdays or weekends since the middle of September ...don't get me wrong this is not a bad thing for me necessarily, but it is for him. But again, he's handling it much better than I thought he would. Thank God he is not standing at the front door every night, crying his eyes out, looking for his Dad like he did before. So, the new house has given him something to look forward to. He did get a little upset the other day, missing his dad, and we talked about writing him a letter (since he refuses to give us a phone number to reach him at), maybe we'll get that done this weekend... In the meantime, I had a conference with his teacher and he is doing really well there too! Turns out he is a math whiz!! A+ in math, woohoo!! I'm so proud of him =D
The rest of the kids aren't fairing so well... at least not with the changes that have come about with the move, namely me... It was melt-down city around the house the other night... "You're not my mother! You're not family! I don't have to listen to you, I only have to listen to my dad!" and so on... oh yeah, big fun, let me just tell ya! ...slamming doors, stomping, it never ends. The one that bothered me the most was "blood is thicker than water"... well if you know me at all, and my sister, then you know that line means jack shit to either of us. Yes, blood relatives are important to us, don't get me wrong, but we have a relatively small "blood" family and have been blessed with "love" family... you know what I thought of when I heard her say "blood is thicker than water"? A quote by my sister (correct me if I'm wrong and it is someone elses, k?):
Ultimately I want generations after me to know this about the culture of blood and the culture of adoption: That blood is thicker than water, but love can be thicker than blood.
Monday, November 1, 2010
T was a good witch. She looked great in her costume, too. We all went out on Saturday with Sis and kids to trick-or-treat. Then yesterday, Lil M and I went in our own neighborhood for about an hour, 'cause I wasn't feeling so hot (exhausted, headaches, as usual). We had a good time, though. I liked both days... but I do like it when there aren't as many people around, 'cause I hate it when people are up on top of us; crowding isn't fun to me.
But with Sis and fam, we did have pizza and Grampa came, too. :) Sis is all moved and I think once things settle down, she'll be really happy with it. Right now we're just all very busy.
We need to get T registered at the hospital where she'll deliver. We also need to go to appts every 2 weeks now. I can't believe it is November already. Time is just flying. It feels like yesterday when we found out. But alas it isn't and she's due in January.... which is coming quick.
Speaking of November, it is National Adoption Month again, so I will post some thoughts on that soon. :)
Work and school are good. Will be finished up with school by Dec 14. Got quite a bit to do between now and then for that, as well. Oh, and Thanksgiving is this month! ... you know what that means... black friday! :D