A Nickel birthday

Birthday girl... turned 5. :)

We had a great weekend. I think Lil M might remember this one. :D


Peace.

Last day of 4

First pic is of Day 2 ...getting ready to leave for Kindergarten.

The next few pics are of this morning... my girl's 3rd full day at Kindergarten and her last day of being 4YO. Big birthday tomorrow. :)
After today, I'm not allowed to walk her to class. So, I had to have the teacher-aide take this for us. :D

Peace.

My baby's almost 5!!!

I can't believe my *baby* is almost 5 years old! AND she's starting Kindergarten next week!! Oh my goodness!!

I never thought that her going to K would be a problem for me. I mean, we've been calling daycare "school" for years now... but, it IS a big change for her and for us. She's a big girl now.

She's starting to get better about telling me what is wrong or when she needs/wants Mommy-time or me to herself... which is great. She's never actually liked to share me much, and I'm so proud of how she shared over the past 2 years of fostering.

T came over and helped me clean this weekend, thank goodness. She's a life saver. I just haven't been motivated. With the kids moving in and out, it just wasn't worth all that work. But I'm SO glad it's better now and I think it'll look ok for company during Lil M's birthday party. Lil M was great at playing with baby G this weekend so T and I could get things done.

...But back to school. My little girl is growing up!! It feels like it was just YESTERDAY she came home and we started this little family of ours. And then other days, it's hard to remember all the details! It's gone by so very, very fast. People say it goes by fast, but seriously... blink, and you'll miss it!! And I don't want to miss even one moment! :)

Next week we're going to do a pool party at the house and I'm hoping to do gifts first, then cake, crafts and then swimming... let's see how that goes. I just know last year we did gifts last and that was just too late. She wants Kai Lan... or maybe Hello Kitty. I've got to nail that down this week. LOL. :)

Crafts for the kiddos... painting wooden face masks (on a stick), stringing beads, coloring/painting, and making bubble makers. I need to get invitations out this week! YIKES.

Peace.

As best I can

Lil M has been taking piano for about 4 weeks now... she's doing pretty well, but getting her to practice is a little tough. I'm trying to think of good ideas for a reward for practicing each night... at first, it will be very small (ie a piece of gum, or extra snuggles) ... then I think I'm going to go for like 3 days at a time... or a week at a time and do something a little bigger... like getting her nails painted or something. She does like it when I am right there with her, helping her practice. She likes it when I sing the notes and we practice some of our music together. So, I'll continue that, as well.

She seems to be learning a bit, which is nice. I wonder how long she might like to take these lessons. We'll see. It might be something we're just trying out, like we did last summer with other things (soccer, dance, swimming).

Lil M does like gymnastics... it's pretty fun for her. So, we're going to stick with gymnastics for awhile... she's been doing this since about January, and I'm glad she likes it. I think it is good for her for several reasons... large motor skill development, small group teaching/interaction, physical space recognition, plus the tumbling and exercise.

The piano is good, I think, because of the finger dexterity, reading notes and numbers, following items on a page, the one-on-one teaching, the musical ear learning... so, I hope we can stick with it for awhile, too.

She will be one of the younger/est ones in her class, and I'm wondering if that'll be ok. Her aptitude is good, but I'm wondering about her attention span... We have a lot of stuff going on this fall and I'm kind of glad that it's just the two of us right now.

Which leads me to the fostering stuff. I am not taking an 'official' break right now... and I still need to keep up on my training... but I'm glad that I haven't gotten any calls for referrals in the past week. The past several months wore me down and I need a break. I need to focus on my own daughter and our lives right now. I'm excited to do that, actually, and am not feeling as guilty about that as I have been. Don't berate me for feeling guilty. It's something I was brought up with, and it's hard to let go of that tendency.

Lil M needs my full attention right now as she enters kindergarten. She needs to know that Mommy is right here and can help her move into this big school and transition in her life. I know it seems small... but it really is a big deal. As least for the next short while, IMO.

I thought I'd feel more guilty because I have moved more into the mindset of 'helping' others by fostering instead of what I want/ed... to family build. I'm extremely happy with having my daughter, and if I don't get to have a 2nd, then we'll be OK. In the mindset of helping, though, that was making me feel kind of guilty that I wanted a break... but I've been praying about it and I feel much more peace about it all now.

I can't do it all. I can't be all things to all people. I need to choose. And I choose to be Mommy to my daughter and to be the best I can be in all areas of my life. That just might not include a foster right now... we'll see when it does again... could be a few weeks, or longer.

Baby B seems to be thriving with her gma. T and baby G seem to be doing alright, even with the limited resources... I continue to support and develop relationships there as best I can. I do love them all.

Peace.

Not surprised

It took my last foster less than one week (4 days, actually) to be asked to leave her current foster home. Apparently, they talked to her first foster mom (this go around) and were afraid for her to be in their home, lest she hear something she would try to use against them... They didn't want to be afraid to speak in their own home.

Good for them, I say.

I'm recuperating from the week. It was my last week of class for the summer, and I'm praying I got a B... it wasn't a tough class at all, but the timing was a bit rough. If he liked my paper, I might even eek out an A. :) Quiz grades were lower than they should have been, but I was a bit preoccupied the past few weeks. Oh well.

Lil M is doing well. She definitely needs some concentrated Mommy time. We went to the aquarium yesterday with Torrie, baby Gabe, Kamren and us. It was fun. :) Spendy for sure, but fun. Then we went to the park and let them run around for a bit, to the grocery and home. Nice day, even with the studying and quizzes due.


Today, is "relax" day. Though, we'll go see the gma and Baby B for a little bit for a playdate. Hoping that goes well.

Peace.

Spring fever

Some recent pics.
Easter...
Fun with water (Lil M and CJ - my friend's fiance)

Peace.

St. Patty

Today was a good day. :) I got confirmation about the job I was given an offer for last week. I am very excited! I also heard from MK that her daughter is getting into the school system we both want. She said that this means Mia got in, too... which makes me extremely hopeful. I can't wait to hear. I am still praying she does get in, and full day Kindergarten, too.

What a great, beautiful day.

I had to put in my notice at work, and that's always uncomfortable. But it has to be done. I'm so very thankful that I found (or, should say, it found me!! Thank you, God) a permanent opportunity. I hear it's a family-friendly company. I hope it is. It's a smaller company, but owned by a fortune 500 company. That might be nice. I'm used to working for larger companies... but this is a really great opportunity for me, with the added bonus of being a promotion.

I got the new bed on Tuesday and slept in it last night. Why I can't sleep right now, I'm not sure... because it really was a great day. Watching a little basketball... and going to try again. :)

Peace.

Reunification goal

In foster care reunification is always the goal. So says my SW for this case. In other words, don't get too attached Melissa. Okey dokey. Got it.

Basically, what she was saying is that the mom will likely get her act together and get Baby B back in the next few weeks. Of course, she's got to get visitation back first. So, we shall see. Of course, I think that if the mom can actually get her stuff together and parent, then B should go home. I'm concerned for her long-term situation, but I have no control and have to just give it up to God.

Baby B has been sick since last Friday. She seemed better Sunday, but Monday she had another fever of 101 and I took her to urgent care to get checked out. She is definitely sick...and on antibiotics for 10 days. sheesh.

Lil M is good, and asking when B will be going home. lol. I've been just frankly exhausted this week. It's work regardless, and add illness on top of it ... made for a very long week. Lil M gets to go to Cinderella with her Auntie E tonight. Tomorrow she has a birthday party and gets to go to a makeup class for her gymnastics, since we missed it on Mon due to the Dr and pharmacy stuff.

As for me, I had to take two online exams last weekend for class. Also have to work on a simulation daily for the same class. Then there's regular work. LOL. Oh, and still no TV. :( Really sick of not having a TV. It is work to do my class-work, but it gives me something to do after they go to bed, since I have no TV right now. One more class after this and I'll have a Masters Certificate on my way to completing my degree. :) I like that.

So, my plan tonight and tomorrow... REST. That's my one and only goal. I have fantascially great friends who are going to treat Lil M to some fun stuff... that way I can have one at home and have a chance to get some rest. I can't wait. I want Lil M to have some fun this weekend... it was a long week.

Oh, and T wrote me last night for the first time in over 2 weeks. I hope we can see her and G soon.

Peace.

Weekend and ahead

This past weekend was definitely different than I had planned! Baby B is getting settled in and is doing well, so far. She's not potty trained, but is training and did better last night than she had all weekend. Oddly, she'll go number 2 in the potty, but not 1. She finally did both last night in the potty!! I'm not trying to push her, but her Mom says she's potty trained, so I feel like I need to try to offer it to her a few times a day.

Interestingly, when her Mom came to visit, B cried a lot. Part of it, I'm sure is that she misses her Mommy. The odd part was that her Mom couldn't seem to get her to sit on the potty or do anything that I've been able to get her to do all weekend. I'm not sure why that happened. But I'm just paying attention to their interactions.

I was able to distract her when her mom left and get Baby B to bed somewhat reasonably. I'm just trying to follow the same routine I've always followed with Lil M and it seems OK so far!!

Today, I hope to hear something more about the Mom and what my agency's idea is. They had suggested she move in with me... but I need more information before I commit to that. This is why I might only have Baby B for a very short period of time. I am considering it, but not sure what is going to happen yet.

I can see improvements even after a couple of days with B's speech. She said "tinker bell" plain as day yesterday... and when her mom came over she was surprised that B could say that! It was a first, I guess. I can tell that the mom doesn't use full sentences and the techniques I use when I talk to children. Which is ok, but different. So, B is getting used to my directives and such. She's really doing great. :)

Please send up some prayers about how this situation might work out. For Lil M, me and Baby B, too. Lil M asked if B was going to stay with us for awhile, and I said that she probably would... then she said, will she go away sometime, and I said that was likely, too. So, part of it, I've got to make sure Lil M is ok....

Peace.

To the woman who took our pictures yesterday...

Dear woman who took our picture yesterday at the CNY festival... no, the little caucasian child who was with me and my daughter was not my daughter. So, it might have seemed like I was playing favorites with the little Asian child who IS mine... and thank for taking pics of them together. :) But we didn't need a "family" pic of the 3 of us. LOL.

Ok, so she did finally realize that Tiff wasn't mine... but it took actually saying, no she's not my daughter and not just 'Tiff, why don't you wait until your Mommy comes over" for her to get it!! I did find it kind of funny, actually. She didn't know... but, I just kept thinking... this Poor woman must think I'm the EVIL mother who doesn't want a picture with BOTH kids!!! That somehow I was favoring Lil M. Well... I was. ;-) but not in that kind of bad way!



Which brings me to the topic of the overall weekend. Saturday we went with our friends D&T to a Chinese symphony and dance performance. That was fun. Though, the girls (both 4 yo) didn't really like the symphony part after intermission... by then, they were getting kind of antsy. But we had a very nice time!

Before the concert T and the baby and her BF's nephew (K) came over to see us for awhile. That was a huge surprise. We all have pizza before I took them home and us going to the concert. It was a big, but very enjoyable day. Baby G is adorable and he was a whole week old on Sat!! T did fess up to the fact that she now realizes how much formula is and how many diapers she's already gone through... I hope she calls again sometime to come visit.

Yesterday, we went with D&T to the CNY festival. The girls got to walk in a Dragon Parade and color and watch dancers... play games... get pics taken ... and EAT. The food was plentiful and yummy. The girls wore Chinese dresses and were just adorable, of course. :D "D" is Japanese-American, but her daughter looks Caucasian (from her hubbies side)... and people tend to put D and Lil M together and me and Tiff together... it's ok. We understand. :) But Lil M is MINE. Not giving her up for anything! LOL.

Happy Chinese New Year (week... CNY is Feb 3, goes from Feb 2-17 total)

Peace.

baby baby

Here are a couple of pics from my phone the other night. Lil M was SO VERY proud to get to hold the baby.


T said something a bit disturbing today about how she "let" me come to the hospital while he was being born... you'd have to read her texts to get it, I think... but I'm not so sure now that she wanted me there... it's either that, or her hormones... I just don't know. (she wanted her medical card... for WIC and said was i going to pay for the baby's formula... blah blah... 'cause she was mad... as usual lately.) Anyway, I tried... and that's all I can do. I will continue to try too... if I can. Plus, send up prayers.

Lil M went to gymnastics tonight for the first time. It looked like she was having a blast!!! I've been wanting to get her into it, and after MK2's bday party success this weekend, and then talking to my friend Devi who has her daughter in gymnastics... she suggested we come out to where they go! And we got super lucky and got a spot in this Mon night class!! I'd say that's much more fun than going to my class this semester (which I dropped before even getting her in to this one). I'm glad it worked out. :) I'm SO excited for her! I think this might be the one thing we stick with for awhile... we'll see.

I was going to try to get her into dance again, but we have to wait til summer. I am also scoping out music teachers to see if I can get her into beginner toddler lessons for piano or violin. Which is proving somewhat difficult because most don't want to teach unless they are 6 or older. bah. But I think it would be great for Lil M. :) We love music!!

Peace.

My Joy

I got Lil M a "meow pillow" today... so we took some fun pics... and got some Christmas pics at the same time. She is my joy.





Peace. And, Merry Christmas!!! :)

rare form

The girls went home this afternoon, and all got back to normal... except T and I haven't been feeling well. Found some medicine she can take, and I got some for the both of us.

Lil M was in extremely rare form today. First, she got in all kinds of trouble all day. She gave the baby candy, she and the baby were 'bouncing' on the bed... she and the baby sat on top of a table where they weren't allowed.... All while the teen mom was in proximity. So much for that. Then, tonight she got more candy knowing she needed to ask first. Needless to say, I was none too happy and she got in trouble again. :(

Now, you're probably thinking... this is typical behavior for a 4 year old. And, most 4 year olds you'd be right. But, Lil M doesn't usually just completely disregard the rules. She is usually pretty easy to correct. Not this weekend. :( Kind of bums me out, actually... 'cause I'm worried this might be a trend, and kind of worried I've not been paying enough attention to her... at the right times.

I have a feeling she was pretty jealous of the baby this weekend. Which, I guess I wanted to learn because we'll have one in the house come January.

Then, on top of it, she kept asking me about the woman whose tummy she was in. Once, I was so cavalier as to believe that not having answers would be OK and that it wouldn't be too hard to explain. Boy, was I wrong. I try to keep it straight forward and in 4 year old language... but, frankly, I don't know what to say.

The teen asked me a lot of questions this weekend, too. This being adoption month makes me think about how lucky I am to have Lil M. But it also makes me realize even more that other people just don't get it. They don't get adoption. What has felt so completely natural to me, is just not seen that way by others. Why aren't you married? Are you infertile? Why didn't you have one of your own?

I get it from both sides. Lil M wants to know whose tummy she was in, and others want to know what's wrong with me. Yeah. Not.

And me, well, I realize that I need to come up with my own answers.

Peace.

Mercy

Oh, Lord... what was I thinking??? I got a call today to do respite this weekend... for a 15 YO girl and her 16 month old daughter... egad. That child can SCREAM. I haven't gone to bed yet, because I'm afraid of waking her... she's in a pack-n-play in my room tonight. Please Lord, let her sleep all night.

T wasn't here when it happened... wonder how she would have reacted. She told me she doesn't need parenting classes. Oh really?? Right. Well... don't even get me started.

The two girls will only be here until tomorrow or Sunday at the latest. And God must have known, 'cause my class was canceled for tomorrow!!! WOOHOO. Mommy needs to sleep. I do not feel well. My head is going to explode now... and throat hurts and feel like I'm getting a cold. I hope it passes very quickly.

Lil M and I did get to see Auntie Ellen today!! She is doing very well. I'm so utterly thankful to God for taking such good care of her. We had some Indian food at this little restaurant we like. Yum. Ellen was having some cabin fever and so it was good to get her out of the house for a bit. She got good news today that her test results came back negative. Thank You God. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

So... I plead temporary insanity today... the snot made me do it. ROFL. (ewww, that's so gross, lol)

Man, how soon we forget about the screaming and the baby-proofing!!! It's amazing how quickly after the age of 3 that one forgets all the stuff a baby can get into so quickly! Please pray for my sanity this weekend. And for us when T's baby comes. Lord have mercy. I'm not even sure how that's going to work. I'm concerned that T will be quite overwhelmed... unless, the baby is not a crier... and what are the odds of that?

OMG, and Lil M asked me today... Mommy, did the other woman who had me in her tummy give me a name? What was my name? (not exact words, but pretty close).... um??? WHAT? Noodle on that one y'all.

I have told her in the past she was called by another name, but never in that way before. So, I asked her what she thought she was called... she said something like "leaf" (not exact) ... which made me laugh. I said, I bet she called you Goose... she said no, probably "leaf" (not exact, 'cause my brain is foggy from the snot) ... it was all just so very odd. I didn't expect that level of question until she was much older. This all happened in the 5 minutes it takes to get to her DC in the morning. egad. So, clearly, I need to sit down and go through it again with her... not much more information, just make sure she knows we can talk about it for more than 30 seconds at a time. :)

Peace.

pretty in pink

I received these gorgeous and yummy strawberries today from my friend... they were for a foster care article I was interviewed for last week (that I was nervous about but it went alright), plus Mom's day. YUM. So thoughtful.

So, speaking of the article, apparently my agency's received a couple of referrals from it already. Which is just amazing to me. :)

Lil M had her program last night and here are a couple of pics... She and her friend MK2 got to play twins because they were supposed to wear pink, yellow or white "plain" t-shirts... They are so adorable together.



Here they are contemplating the hopscotch... with their leaf-switches, that they also "swept" the sidewalk with. LOL

And, finally, here's a teeny video of the program. :) I didn't cry this year, but I imagine when she 'graduates' from DC next year, I probably will. lol.



Peace.

Bubbles

Saturday, Lil M got to go to K's 5th birthday party (I'll post some pics if I get approval... but here's my girl eating a cupcake!) We had BIG fun at the birthday party, thanks C!!!

Lil M and Nephew had fun blowing bubbles in the backyard yesterday (Easter).

Celebrating Grandma's belated 60th (or according to the candles, 21st!) birthday on Easter, too.
Peace.

Haircut

Lil M got a trim tonight. She enjoyed it. :) Douglas (our hairdresser) said she ran to the wash basin to get her hair washed, and that she beat him to it... and sat down just like a big girl! She loved it. All smiles. :)

Peace.

Laughing is good

Last night we went to our favorite coffee shop and got to sit out in the evening air for a bit. We all had the giggles and played duck-duck goose, tickled each other, made the chairs into a train... T played airplane with Lil M... all, while laughing and generally making fools of ourselves in public... but it was all in good fun, and made our bellies hurt (in the good way, of course)!

This was after having a few days that were a bit more stressful. As I mentioned, last week T got herself in a little trouble with Mommy. This week, I got a call from the school for something that happened and they made it sound like it was a behavior that happened on Monday, but it was really what started everything last week. See, apparently, T got a bit obnoxious on the bus last week (Tuesday) and that was the day she decided to go "walking" with a friend and not come home when she should have. The two problems there were, a) she didn't have permission to go walk and b) she knew she needed to be home so I could go to a class.

But, the principal made it sound like what he was calling me about was this week. It was not. I believe that her bus incident happened (she told me it was the same day she got in trouble with me)... and then she probably (small guess on my part) decided that heck... if i'm already in trouble, why not go do what i want?!! So, she did. But I didn't even know about the bus thing, yet. So, she overreacted for nothing. And got herself in more trouble.

Now, one could argue that maybe she figured if she was already in trouble, why not go for it. Or maybe, if I get myself in trouble at home... the bus thing won't look so bad. I don't really know for sure, but it's all been resolved by now.

I think that what she did on the bus was typical teenage type behavior (albeit, a bit over the top). And I also think that T (as well as a lot of foster kids) get the shaft when it comes to the 'benefit of the doubt'. So, that's what I'm trying to do, in that regard.

Now, when it comes to being disrespectful to our family unit... and just going out without permission, that's a different story. And that was the only thing she saw a consequence from me about. She did say that I didn't react like previous people might have... (i didn't call the police). I want her to know that she needs to communicate with me. And, for her to really understand that, I need to communicate with her. Not just to her. With her. Some of these kids don't have that basic understanding. Everything is rules and consequences. I do believe she needs those, but she is at the point in her life where she needs to understand why there are rules/consequences and not just handed punishment.

Every situation is different, but I am trying to do right by her and all of us. I just hope I am!

This having a 17YO in the house is definitely different, but so far we're hanging in there and it's been good.

Peace.

PS. I read this awesome quote from a friend of mine, and it speaks to how I feel about life:

Edward Hale: “I am only one. But I am one. I can’t do everything, but I can do something; and that I can do, I ought to do. And what I ought to do, by the grace of God I shall do.”

Matching game

Lil M is learning how to play the matching card game with T. She's doing extremely well, I think... I'm not sure how many a 3 YO should be able to do, but she's able to remember where the different cards are that are turned over and then pick them again after they've been turned down. She's not doing it solely the way you'd normally play, but if she sees the cards first, she does remember quite a lot. :) Very cool.

We're hanging in there after our long week... I dare say that things are mostly back to normal. That also makes me glad.

We went to see Mimi and Chase last night and today. I finally got her wireless working (just hadn't had the time before to do it)... and she made us dinner. We also had some great local pizza last night. T even approved (pizza isn't her favorite thing).



Lil M has been playing dress up in this little white dress for like 2 weeks now. It is quite funny. She cracks me up. ;-)

Peace.

Out and Back

Lil M and I went on a little vacation this week to N. Orleans. We had a very nice trip. We left Wed evening and got back today. We got to have some nice dinner on Thurs of catfish and shrimp and then we went to get Begnets (french donuts with lots of sugar) and coffee. It was very nice. We also got to see the Immigrants statue and I had Lil M sit on it and take a picture with Nonni.

Other than that, we just hung out and relaxed. Watched lots of boats go by on the great Mississippi and sat on the porch in rocking chairs a lot. It was gorgeous down there.

The only bad thing that happened was that Lil M got sick today in the car on the way to the airport. She's better now, but that sucked. I was told she is definitely a Mommy's girl (uh yeah), and that she is very secure with me (she was able to go to the potty in the house without me and with the door closed... even in the new environment. same with going to bed the last two nights. she would go to sleep without me, knowing i'd be up later). So, that was very nice to hear!! :) She does have difficulty not talking when others are talking, though, 'cause she is used to having all of mommy's attention most of the time (except when we're with T, but that seems to be different). So, we worked on that some more.

Peace.