Matching game

Lil M is learning how to play the matching card game with T. She's doing extremely well, I think... I'm not sure how many a 3 YO should be able to do, but she's able to remember where the different cards are that are turned over and then pick them again after they've been turned down. She's not doing it solely the way you'd normally play, but if she sees the cards first, she does remember quite a lot. :) Very cool.

We're hanging in there after our long week... I dare say that things are mostly back to normal. That also makes me glad.

We went to see Mimi and Chase last night and today. I finally got her wireless working (just hadn't had the time before to do it)... and she made us dinner. We also had some great local pizza last night. T even approved (pizza isn't her favorite thing).



Lil M has been playing dress up in this little white dress for like 2 weeks now. It is quite funny. She cracks me up. ;-)

Peace.

Behavior

This week has been a little different around here. T decided yesterday she was bored and wanted out of the house... and so left without permission. That did not go over well with me, as you can imagine. Not only did it make me late for a training class, but I had no idea where she was or when she was coming back. Not good.

So, I told her to come up with what she felt was a reasonable consequence. I got that list today, and it was more complaining 'punishment' list than anything. So, I changed it. The biggest part is for her to tell me what she thinks is a reasonable agreement for her to spend time with friend and such. The second is to tell me how she plans to be responsible, in addition to contacting me appropriately (like text, phone call, note). The third is how she plans to re-build the trust she's thrown out the window.

Let's see how that goes.

For now, I told her to put her cell phone (the one she didn't use to tell me where she was at) on the kitchen counter for the night. I will decide for how long that will last.

That's like cutting off an appendage. Or so they'd like you to believe.

What I did point out is what I did do vs. what I could have done. I could have called the police. I didn't. Instead, I called her. She told me she doesn't trust me (she hasn't known me that long)... and yet, she thinks that I should let her run around without knowing where she is, who her friends are or when she'll be home, etc. Um. NO. Not only that, but she was going to watch Lil M so I could get this training in. She completely disregarded that. I asked her if it would be acceptable for me to blow off a mandatory (or any, for that matter) training or appointment she had. ......... Uh, yeah. I didn't think it would be. (that was silence, if you couldn't tell.)

So, things here are fine, but the apple cart has been jostled a bit this week. Part of me wonders if it isn't because she is upset we were gone for a few days. Or if something else is going on. Or if she's just decided she wants to be out and to hell with the consequences. I hope we figure it out, though.

Peace.

Out and Back

Lil M and I went on a little vacation this week to N. Orleans. We had a very nice trip. We left Wed evening and got back today. We got to have some nice dinner on Thurs of catfish and shrimp and then we went to get Begnets (french donuts with lots of sugar) and coffee. It was very nice. We also got to see the Immigrants statue and I had Lil M sit on it and take a picture with Nonni.

Other than that, we just hung out and relaxed. Watched lots of boats go by on the great Mississippi and sat on the porch in rocking chairs a lot. It was gorgeous down there.

The only bad thing that happened was that Lil M got sick today in the car on the way to the airport. She's better now, but that sucked. I was told she is definitely a Mommy's girl (uh yeah), and that she is very secure with me (she was able to go to the potty in the house without me and with the door closed... even in the new environment. same with going to bed the last two nights. she would go to sleep without me, knowing i'd be up later). So, that was very nice to hear!! :) She does have difficulty not talking when others are talking, though, 'cause she is used to having all of mommy's attention most of the time (except when we're with T, but that seems to be different). So, we worked on that some more.

Peace.

Writing Name and Coloring

Lil M wrote her name at home all by herself for the first time tonight!!! Woot! :D She was coloring a picture that T had started and after she wrote it, T came and told me and I took a pic! Well, I took a pic after BOTH of them yelled for me to take pictures of them coloring! LOL

So, can you see it? it's on the Right side of the picture. :)

Lil M yells Mommaaaaay (long a sound) for me! It is pretty hysterical. Mommy, come take our picture they both said! But the big thing was that Lil M wrote her name! I'm so darn excited.

The next pics are of Lil M with MK2 at dinner, and at school.

Lil M and Mommy the morning of school pics.

Coloring is some serious business! :)

And, last but not least... my silly girls at the store with birthday hats on! "Just Because". T found them and thought they were cute... and just had to have one! So, I decided it was a good photo op! LOL

If one of those didn't make you smile... then, you're really having a bad day. ;-) And I hope that isn't the case!

We had a pretty laid back weekend. I didn't do nearly as much as I probably should have, but that's OK. T is on spring break this week and Lil M and I are going out of town for a couple of days... well, after I go back to court with Sis again for the thing against that woman who threatened her. Praying we get justice and she gets what she deserves.

Peace.

WFMW - school pics

I've started sort of a different tradition than I think other people have... I buy Lil M a new outfit for when she has her school (daycare) pics taken. Maybe it is because they take them so late, here it is March, but I am liking our new tradition and have a plan to keep it going once she's in real school. Most people I know buy their kids new clothes for the beginning of school. But isn't it sort of fun to have a new outfit (or even just shirt) for the picture day? It is the remembrance I'll have for that whole year, after all!! :)

Just my little what Works For Me Wednesday idea...

Lil M hasn't been feeling too well this week (fever night before last and then coughing and bloody nose last night from sneezing). It's also been a very busy week in the M-household... even T said she needs an "M" name and so does Skippy, LOL. So, she's Morrie and he's Mozart (well, or Merle, lol)... and NO I didn't even mention it to her, but it has been said before that we're the M family. ;-)

T had her ACT yesterday and we're both hoping she did better than her pre-ACT's...

Oh, and I got a promotion at work. :D That was good, but others were hurt in the process and I do not like that at all.

Please go here for other WFMW great ideas!


Peace.

Spring fever

I have a headache today, probably due to the big weather shift... it is much warmer today than it has been in quite awhile. It would be great to get out and do stuff, but T has got to keep studying for her ACT this coming week. So, while we all have a touch of spring fever, we'll probably go get her phone paid and then come back and stay in...

Please send up a prayer for T and this test on Tuesday... she needs to bring her score up from what she got on the practice tests, because if not she'll have to take it again. Ugh.

Lil M is doing well. She's anxious for all this to be over, too, I can tell.

Two Simple Ways to Be a Happier Parent on Yahoo! Health

Here is a good article on how to be a happier parent:

Two Simple Ways to Be a Happier Parent on Yahoo! Health

Like the article says, is seems surprisingly simple... it says:

For instance, would you like to know the one thing that will make children do better in school, help them have fewer emotional problems, and make them less likely to become obese or have drug or alcohol problems? Eat dinner together as a family.

I think that making sure we sit down to dinner together on a more regular basis is a great idea, something that I grew up doing and have really gotten away from. This is not the first time I have read this recommendation, but it is the first time I have seen anything that implies it could help prevent children from becoming obese or have alcohol problems... it makes sense.

Skaters and the Eiffel Tower

Skating on Saturday...

At school (daycare) last week they made an Eiffel tower out of marshmallows and toothpicks... kind of fun. I've decided to start taking pics of stuff like this that can't be kept permanently. Cute idea, though, and Lil M seemed to enjoy it!Peace.

New Boy

T started talking to me again last night. We didn't discuss how the weekend went or any of that, nor did she study for her ACT, but she did ask me if she could date the boy she likes. (which is a good sign, in and of itself if you think about it)

I said, well, I needed to know what she meant by dating him... what changes if I say she can or can't date him? Or what changes if she does date him? She said didn't say much, other than it wasn't for anything physical and that she's cared about him for awhile. Then she said she wanted to read to me the letters he'd written to her over a year ago when they were both in the alternative school.

She even waited around while I worked (getting some work caught up from being out of the office for awhile in the afternoon), so she could read me the letters.

The letters were nice enough, though there was a little bit of interesting information to be gotten from them... apparently, said boy has had his own wild side and been a bit depressed, too. So, I asked her if he was doing better, and she said yes. I also told her that it is not in her best interest to date someone who doesn't have the same goals as she does.

This young man, who seems nice enough, didn't graduate HS. He will need to complete his GED in order to go into the military or to college. He did tell me that he wants to go to college. So, I told T that she needs to watch out and see if he makes movement toward those goals. Otherwise, if she does finish up and go to college... there might be some bad feelings between them sooner or later about their life differences. Maybe not. But, I wanted to make sure she thinks about these things before jumping into something at the age of 17. Right?

I did tell her it was OK for her to 'date' him. I will be keeping a close eye on what this means and what it turns into, though. You can be assured of that. I am the meanest Mommy, remember?!! ;-)

As for the other stuff, well, we'll have to get into that this week. I have not let her off the subject completely, I'm just giving us a little bit of breathing room from the upset this weekend.

Peace.

Meanest Mom

This weekend I do believe that I got the Meanest Mom award... not only would I not let Lil M chew on a puzzle piece, I also wouldn't let T spend the night with her sister to take care of her 3 nieces/nephews... at the last minute... on a whim. Nope.

Here's the deal. First, Lil M does not usually put things in her mouth... that I've ever seen. Yesterday, apparently she thought it was a good idea to chew on a puzzle piece (no, she's not teething, she's 3.5 YO and has all of her teeth)... so, I took them all away. Oi. Needless to say, Mommy was pretty upset.

Saturday, T went for a home visit. About 45 minutes before my going to pick her up she called and said her sister asked if she could stay and watch her kids for her. How long?, I asked. Oh, until tomorrow morning.... uh. what?! NO. First, it's 3 children, two of which are under the age of 3. Second, don't come to me with such short notice and call me in front of your sister and ask. Then, she said that Sis didn't ask her, she offered to help her sister. OK, see my 2nd point then. Call me first. I realize I don't rate in comparison, but here's the thing - I am currently the one responsible. So, it is my decision to make.

Then T said something about calling the SW to get her to say it was OK, to which I responded it wasn't up to her. It was up to me. And I say no.

I did, however, give her two other options. One, have her sister bring said kiddos over to our house and she could watch them over night. Which, btw, is pretty generous, if you ask me. Or, she could babysit but only until 10pm, not overnight. The sister said No. That her kids' stuff was at her house and they needed to be watched there. Ok. Well... free babysitting overnight... I'm thinking if I wanted to go out, I'd take it. I guess she didn't want to go out that bad. Or... well, it was more true that T had offered and Sis didn't really care to begin with.

Here's the other thing... I had let T have a boy over last weekend for several hours. He even came to eat with us. Then, I let her go out on Friday night for a little while with this guy and she was late getting home (she did send me a text saying he lost the keys - they're in the middle of moving, but still)....

So, I've been getting the silent treatment. Oh, and she hasn't studied at all for the ACT this weekend, like she said she would. She didn't come out of her room except to go to the bathroom in 24 hours.

When she asks me to pay for her phone this week, that will also be a No. Why? Because I'm a mean Mom. But I will get the point across that I am the Mom. I make the decisions around here. That... is very important.

Peace.

UK takes on Single Mom Stereotype

Solomother posted an article that I think it is important to share. :)

Every once in a while, the UK dailies will crop up with a rash of angry readers, mostly male, complaining about single mothers as spongers, soaking up council flats and government money, living in luxury while good people break their backs for a pittance. Some of it is downright nasty..... read the rest here.


...man, i'm bloggy today!! ;0)
Peace.

Yes, She's Mine

I was thinking of changing my China adoption blog title (not this one) to a new one to better describes where we are today vs. where we/I was, say, 4 or 5 years ago. Then, I decided just to update the look of said blog... for now, without giving it a name change.

But then, last night, T (of all people, again) were having a conversation that disturbed me. :(

A little background... I was attempting to date a guy had problems in the past with someone accepting his son as a part of the family. How do you handle blended family issues, if/when they are posed type stuff.

So, T said... of course, Melissa, you wouldn't have a problem with blended families... we're not yours...

What?? Not mine? Who's not mine?

To which, I responded... yes, Lil M is mine. And then she retracted and said, yes she's yours... but I can see she struggles with those ideas. She really believes that family is by blood, for good or bad.

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't think that T has a problem with our family. She's trying to make her way just like we are. And she's gone through way, way more than any teenager should have to in their life. So, I do try to take it all with a grain of salt.

But that my foster child thinks that this family is not "real" just because I didn't birth either of them is.... Ouch. I might have to revisit the whole adoption blog name thing... and one thought/suggestion had been to re-name it to "Yes, She's Mine".

The positive is... yes... it is a true statement.

The negative's... well, I'm not trying to negate any birth mom's feelings, or any adoptees' feelings for that matter. Oh, and I don't believe in the whole ownership of children, and this title implies that.

Today, I'm feeling like it is not my responsibility to educate others. And, yet it is, if I want to be an advocate for change. It starts with one person, right? Comments like that hurt. Plain and simple. They hurt those of us who have worked so hard to have our own family... and especially when that family looks different from others.

Peace.

Premium Increases by Anthem Blue Cross in the Individual Health Insurance Market

Premium Increases by Anthem Blue Cross in the Individual Health Insurance Market

WFMW - decluttering

I'm not the first, nor will I be the last who is trying to de-clutter their houses, their lives. Right? So, I thought I'd write today about how I'm going about that... and maybe it'll help someone else along the way. :) Please go to We Are That Family for more great WFMW ideas.

1. Go through your mind and think about the stuff you use every single day. Ok, now... that stuff is untouchable.

2. Now, think about the stuff you use occasionally. Why do you use it? Out of need or guilt? And by guilt, I mean... do you use that item just because someone gave it to you, but it's not really something you love? Let's see an example for me... my panini maker. Now, I wanted one really bad. But the one I was gifted isn't quite what I wanted. But I used it anyway, on occasion. The question is... do I keep this one just because someone (my Dad, in this case) gave it to me? Hmmm... must think about that.

But that's the point. In the de-cluttering exercise for me, it is crucial to figure out why and how I think about the items around me. And then determine if I really need that item. Maybe it should be replaced? Or not.

3. Think about the stuff you put "away" for the next season. You know, those clothes you put up for summer or winter? Before you just grab that box (if you ever do), make a mental note to yourself to pick out at least 5 things that can go away. Because, seriously, you're going to probably buy 5 things this season, aren't you? Of course you are. :)

4. Think about the stuff that you haven't looked at in some box somewhere for at least one year. Is it mail? SHRED it. Is it "stuff" you're holding onto? Why?

Reasons for me are - baby clothes. I want to keep some baby clothes for Lil M just to have for her later. And some others I want to keep "just in case" I can adopt/have a second child. Part of my de-cluttering process this spring will be to go through ALL of those clothes and pick out what can stay and what must go. I don't need a ton of that stuff. I think I will pare it down to one box of keepsake stuff for her and one box of "just in case". Trust me. This will be paring down. :)

What about the other stuff you've kept "just in case"? Tools, old sheets, old baskets... old crap. Go through that crap and just start tossing. Really. You don't need this stuff. It's the most expendible of all the areas, right? And, it's been said many, many times... if you haven't used it in a year, get rid of it. Pare it down to a box. Not three. Not ten.

Now. My problem is my sewing room stuff. The sewing room has been dismantled so I could foster T. I have bins and bins and bins (no joke) of fabric and quilting items. I should go through this one more time (already have once and gave at least two big boxes to goodwill)... but, for me, I am not quite ready to do this.

So, sometimes you need to get your head around what you can do, and leave the rest for the next round of de-cluttering. There is no sense in having an all-or-nothing attitude when it comes to this, or you might just not even start. It's better to get rid of some, than to not even begin.

I'm sure you have some other ideas?? Share, please!

Peace.

Not worth it

It is just not worth it for me to date right now. There I said it. Men are pigs (sorry Tom), and I have better things to do with my time than to worry if they like me or not. Seriously. And, somehow I've been feeling like I'm the one with the problem. I'm not. They are just not worth my time.

So there you have it.

Ok, so I'm editing to add the more important part. A good friend of mine mentioned to me that I get "stuck" when I get into a relationship. And by that, he means stop dead due to fear. And, he'd be right. And I haven't worked on myself to fix that. On the flip side, not one person I've ever dated has ever seemed to get that or me at all. I've picked the wrong men, and before I date again, I need to really sit down and figure out who the right one might even look like. And, see if I can get past my own fears.

btw, thanks, Joe. You really helped me today. :)

Peace.

Gray day

The snow is starting to melt here, which is nice. And it's warmed up a bit, which is also nice. But it's definitely gray out there. I wonder if the weather is going to start getting better any time soon.

I need to get to the grocery and write a weekly menu. I'm sort of bored with what we've been eating, or not eating, lately. I haven't used a menu since T came to live with us, and I think it is about time to re-start that. Suggestions? (ok, except beef or pork, please.)

I wonder how others get through the winter blahs... maybe I need to go buy a sun-lamp. :) J/K. I probably won't do that, but I've heard that some people swear by them.

Peace.

PS. P6BFCNUQ3E5W

Faithful

Lil M, T and I had a fun time taking random pics last night. We didn't really do anything other than that all weekend. Sitting here in my reflection time, I'm even more convinced that life doesn't feel very fair sometimes. Don't get me wrong. My life is great. My life is greater than most, even. But do you ever feel like there's that elusive thing that's missing? Or that you can't do? Or can't get right? That's how I feel tonight. I'm frustrated with myself. Oh well.

God is good. I know that somehow my life will work out the way it should, even though I don't understand it.

The one thing I'd like to figure out? How to grow old and not do it alone.

I do have Lil M (and T, right now). But someday she will grow up and be on her own. Maybe I will try to go ahead and start a 2nd adoption, but that isn't the only reason I'd like to do that. Regardless, there will come a point... maybe God will be merciful and help me figure out how to be in a relationship with someone by then. If not, please, God, help me to figure out how to not be alone.

There you go. We all have our fears and our "stuff". I do believe that God is loving and merciful and wants us to be happy. So, I will continue to work toward my being faithful, hopeful and joyful. :)

I will tell you that Lil M and T definitely are great to have around. We got to be silly last night and Lil M is growing up so fast. She has the most beautiful spirit, that girl. :D She's my angel.


Peace.

Reflection Lent

Do you recognize the Lenten season, or Lent? I'm not Catholic, but I do recognize the importance of this time of year and am more reflective because of it. I believe everyone should take time out of their busy schedules and lives to reflect on themselves, their lives, and most especially... their relationship with their Maker.

For me, I accepted the Lord into my heart many years ago... And, while I don't go to church as often as I'd like and am way more liberal than when I started my walk... I do really enjoy taking this time to reflect. I think it helps to remember what you and God have been through in the past to help you get through what you will go through in the future, if that makes sense.

And God Is Good.

In my own life, God has blessed me beyond measure. I have Mia to prove that. And even in the dark days that I had to go through, I have ended up being able to be Mommy to one of the most amazing little persons I've ever known. Thank you God.

I'm also learning more about myself and my life by being a Foster Mom. That's been different and it is something I am thankful that I have God on my side for. I'm taking it one day, one situation at a time and so far I feel like I'm at least doing my part. And, I feel like that's what I need to focus on with this endeavor. Not worry what will come of it, or not come of it. What decisions the kid(s) will make or not make. But, have I done my part? Did I do what I was able? I'm trying to keep that answer a yes. And so far, it is.

Beyond all that, people can be mean, they can be difficult, disappointing and negative. But then there is God. God not only prevails, S/he helps us to succeed when we are unsure, but put ourselves out there in Faith. Sometimes, life makes it look like failure, but even in those moments I believe something good can come. And don't get me wrong, I have quite a few of those moments. We all do. But then there is something amazing that can happen that would never have happened if life turned out the way you thought it was "supposed" to.

Instead of living in the disappointment, I choose to live in the Hope and the precious moments I have been given.

For those who have been given much, much is required. I pray I'm doing my part, because I do believe I've been given much. Thank you, Jesus.

Also, I'll share my favorite scripture today... just because I'm in this reflection mode.

Be joyful in hope,
patient in affliction,
and faithful in prayer.
Romans 12:12

May this Lenten season bring you much reflection, a deeper relationship with Christ, and peace.

Peace.

So much snow

We've gotten a record-breaking 21.8" (or more) of snow for the month of February here... between yesterday and this morning, we've gotten probably 8 or 9", on top of last week's snow. It's crazy. If we get much more, we will break the record for the most snow in the season, according to the weather man on the local news. Yikes.

We're all a little cabin-feverish and ready for the snow to be over.

Lil M has been having fun with Mommy home, though, today... she has been playing dress-up and with all her babies (animals). I think she likes it when I work from home.

I need to clean the driveway YET AGAIN today. :( ugh. They did finally plow my street, but they blocked me in... even though, I had cleaned off the driveway yesterday and there's probably 2 or 3" of snow on it... I had cleaned off the bottom as well as I could, knowing they were going to plow it right back there. Dam* them. That's the hard stuff to get off, too.

Oh well... every thing else is moving along just fine. If you're snowed in... hug your babies. If not... hug them anyway. :)

Peace.

My own time

I was thinking about his coming Monday and wishing I had the day off by myself... but school will be out and, of course, I won't be by myself. Then, I thought about how much I love Lil M and how I love spending time with her any time! I do not have any bad feelings about fostering... but it has been a big adjustment for all of us and sometimes I like my alone time. lol

Speaking of Lil M, she has been a bit more emotional lately, which is kind of odd. She has always been pretty easy to make smile or laugh, but lately she's been more giggly (which I love) and crying more. I think the crying is because of a) the family change and/or b) she wants me to hold her, because she knows that if a baby cries, someone will hold the baby... she tells me sometimes that Monkey or Meow are crying and I tell her to hold them to get them to not cry... I'm trying to get her to use her words, but it's a work in progress. And she does it when she knows I might be upset with her for something... so, I guess it could be all three reasons. We'll figure it out, though. :)

Ok, so one adorable thing this week... I shoveled snow yesterday (not so adorable), and Lil M stood at the window and every time I looked up at the house she would wave and say I Love You Mommy (T said she was yelling it, but I couldn't hear her, just read her lips). I mouthed it back... and waved. ADORABLE. Seriously. :D

I love that amazing little one.

Peace.