First lost tooth!

My Lil M lost her very first tooth tonight...and so it begins. :)   She was glad that she didn't lose her Sweet tooth... that way she can still eat sweets. :) My silly goose.

1st Tooth!!

Peace.

Happy New Year

We had a nice, enjoyable Christmas and New Year... I'm having a nice, short break from school until Jan 14. Then one class to go! :D

The girls are doing pretty well... have had a few issues with S, but fairly normal stuff around here. Lil M is doing great.

I started a new job where I can do my work at home. This is entirely new for me, and I'm hoping I like it in the long-run. The office is an hour and a half away, so going in can happen occasionally, but not every day.

Here are some pics, of course. :)

Game night

Glitter glue!

Craft princess

Lil M and Aunt Mimi

Lil M and Grandpa

Presents

Love

Baby K... bright eyes

Playing on Mommy's computer

Goose in a owl hat :)

At Lil M's 1st grade Christmas party

Have a happy and blessed New Year.

Peace.

All my children collage

Here's the collage I posted the link for yesterday. I've had 10 fosters now... Torrie, Bri, Brittany, Kayla, Chase, Alea, Kimora, Samara, Kyana and Carolyn. Ages have run the gamut from 3 days to 20 years (in KY they can still be in care until 21).

And, of course, I always, always have my LITTLE M!!! :D

Peace.

Fall is here

Here are some pics from this fall. We've been busy, as usual... I'm almost done with my Masters in Business Informatics. Mia and S are both in 1st grade. I was laid off my job in October, but have found another, thankfully. At the same time, Baby K came (S' bio sister). The way God works is awe inspiring. Not sure how long they'll be here, but definitely until sometime next year.


A collage pic I created :)

http://mamamiamelissa.muzy.com/post/120378879-i-ve-had-10-fosters-in-3-years-i-love-them-all-and-of-course-my-mia

Peace and blessings to all.

Long Season

This summer and early fall have been a long season for me. I have had "S" since May. As I wrote a couple of months ago (wow, it's been that long??) we've had a tougher transition than I hoped. She's a fine girl, just a tough transition for us all... not quite the right fit in some ways, unfortunately.

Then, this month, I lost my job. My work got sold and now I'm looking. That stresses me immensely. I'm one of those who identifies with what I do for my career and so being home is very difficult.

THEN, S' baby sister was born two days before I lost my job. So, she's with us now. I couldn't say no, because I didn't think it was fair for her to be separated from her sister. And I had made the decision when I was working that I wouldn't take Baby K because no daycare will take an infant under 6 weeks. Then I was suddenly available. The agency knows i'm not working, temporarily... and they were ok with that, oddly.

Lil M loves the baby. She calls her precious and strokes her little head. She loves holding her. She waffles on "S" just like I do... but we're making do for now.

Prayers for my job situation would be Hugely appreciated. I have one class left toward my Masters degree and really need to work. But I also think this time is good to reflect on what changes I may need to make soon.

Peace and love. Here are some pics, enjoy.

Lil M's first 5K on foot! :) She did the whole thing and then her own Fun Run!!

Compassion Fatigue

S' social worker (SW) and I talked this week about how things are going and how I'm doing, in particular. School is ramping up for the 3 of us and I'm feeling a bit stressed with that and other things that are happening this month.

I asked for the agency to provide respite for me this weekend. Which means, Lil M and I will have the weekend to ourselves until Sun. night. I'm very excited about this, actually. When I asked, I had suggested that I might even give up my placement of S. I'm not going to do that quite yet, but it is a possibility if things are even remotely like they were in the Spring.

Anyway, when she and I were talking, I said that I'm not feeling like a 'cheerful giver' right now. Meaning, since I've been fostering to 'foster' and not with an option to adopt for some time now, my motives have changed. In this situation you want to feel like you're making a difference or actually helping someone. Or why do it? Just my opinion for myself...

But I haven't felt like I've been making a difference. Oh, I know... I put a roof over their heads, feed and clothe them and give them stability... but the relationships I was hoping to build are tougher than I thought or hoped they'd be to build.

And when you don't see the relationships (because, for example, the attachment is tenuous at best) ... and you don't feel like you're making a difference ... then, all the giving with no getting back starts to feel like work. Doing it because you feel like you should not because you're getting something out of it, too.

Selfish, perhaps. But, we all need to feel loved and appreciated. And if I'm not giving as a cheerful giver, then maybe I need to figure something else out. My SW calls this "compassion fatigue". You can get tired of being the compassionate one... the one with the big heart.

I struggle with giving fostering up. I definitely struggle with saying "no" to the agency when they call (though, I did actually say no to them today). I can't take the world on my shoulders... and even though I try... it's all for not because it's really God's job and He's QUITE capable! :)

I'm keeping one placement for now, and trying to remind myself that I really *don't* have to do this. I need to figure out if I truly want to continue or if I'm doing it out of guilt or *shoulds*... I've been waffling for probably a year now as to whether or not I should continue. I'm still not sure.

Anyway, if you're a foster parent or even just a parent ... I wanted to mention this thing called Compassion Fatigue... and if it strikes a bell with you, I understand.

There's a saying... if you're the one who's always giving and you deplete your energies and no one is filling your reserves up... how are you going to be good for anyone?

Peace.

Thoughts

I'm struggling right now with the dating, not dating, school (masters), work, parenting and fostering.

People say I'm supposed to find a man. Why? Out of the list above, that's the hardest thing. I don't get them and they don't get me. Not in a long-term sense, anyway. And, frankly, I'm tired of trying.

The easiest is the parenting and work. Lil M is still amazing and wonderful. I have two more semesters of school left and I think I can get through that. Though, it's harder and harder... just time and effort-wise.

Fostering, that's a whole nother ballgame. My foster right now is OK and she starts school with Lil M this month. Not the same school, but both in elementary. I *might* take a teen short-term while she waits to get a dorm room at NKU... but we'll see. If she's anything like past teens, I won't do it.

Peace.

Pics

On vacation in the spring

Maid of Honor (me) and the Bride

Girls!

Getting beautified!!

Mama Mia!!

Flower Girl and Bride

My beautiful daughter

Us in our dresses

Is it customary to make faces while being the flower girl?!

There ya go. Pics from us being in a friend's wedding this past weekend. It was a great time... and Lil M looked gorgeous. :)

Peace.

Summer

My current foster, S, has been with us since May 22. She and Lil M are getting along ok, I guess, but it's definitely been a transition. Lil M is used to being the 'oldest' little kid in the house and now she's not. She and S are both going into the 1st grade next month. S is 6 and will be 7 in October. Lil M will be 6 next month...

They've both been doing their summer programs. Lil M is at the YMCA and S is at her school. It works out better for them to have things of their own, since they're both used to being only children. They will go to different schools in the fall and I'll need to get S registered soon. It looks like she might be with us for awhile, but I have no idea really how long. My guess is after the new year or better.

Time flies

I can't believe school's out for the summer for Lil M already (as of May 30, actually)!! And that we've already made it to June! YIKES. Half a year gone!

Last month, I took a 6YO girl foster... yes, I know... I said I was maybe going to take a break. Ha. I'm out of school for the summer and when they call(ed) me with an emergency referral, I just couldn't say no. Go figure. Who knew? ;-)

She's almost a year older than Lil M and there has, of course, been some adjustment we've not experienced before... both girls are dominant and used to being the 'oldest' of the little people. But, we're making it through. Got to come up with a good nickname for her... but let's see... she is sometimes called Mar Mar, so let's do that for now.

Mar Mar just finished Kindergarten like Lil M did. She's WAY taller and bigger than Lil M. As in, a head taller, easily, and probably 25 lbs heavier. But she's a doll and a cutie! She loves sleeping to lullabies and with her princess night light. When they're not fighting for control, she and Lil M get along quite well.

Lil M is doing great... though, she's cried more in the past 3 weeks than she has in the past 6 months, probably. I work on letting her know that she will ALWAYS be with Mommy and give her the attention she needs when Mar Mar is being difficult or when she is feeling down.

My two fosters that left, Alea and 'Mora, have two brothers... they are staying with us for respite this weekend. Apparently, 'Mora has been displaced AGAIN and might get to come back to us. We shall see. I don't know. They are asking if I'd take the younger boy with 'Mora... but that'd give me 4 kids in the house and I'm not sure about that. I think having the 3 would be ok... for the summer... the kiddos in this family might get to go home at the end of July, which would be good for me and getting back to school in August.

I'm so glad for the break in school this summer!! I only have the 3 classes left, and will take 2 in the fall and 1 in the spring. I can't take the 3rd in the fall because they only offer it in the Spring! Oh well. It's for the best for my sanity anyway!! :) I desperately needed this break. Most days, it's just me Lil M and Mar Mar... of course, we do almost always have a lot going on though!! ;-)

Lil M is loving her gymnastics still. She was bummed last night when I told her we have to wait til next Wed for her to go back to her class. I'm wondering if I should just go ahead and get her into the 2nd weekly class. We'll see.

So... one of you wrote me this week, which was SO SWEET. I didn't even know if anyone really read my blog anymore... and I will try to write more this month. I have lots to say about the happenings of this year, so, maybe I'll try to get it all down here! :)

Peace and love.

May

Well, it's already May!! The craziness of last semester is over and I survived. 3 more classes, and I will be finished with my Masters degree. I'm very happy about that.

Lil M and I went to see Lang Lang, a very good Chinese Pianist on May 5. She was so adorable and kissed his picture when we got our bulletins. He really is very good and we enjoyed the concert, though, Lil M was tired and wanted to go home by the time he came on! She has told me several time since then that she's Lang Lang. :D I told her she can't be Lang Lang... she's a girl. She'd have to be a boy and not wear dresses and cut her hair! She said... she could just be a boy with long hair. lol.

She's been liking counting, adding, subtracting and adding money for the past couple of months, especially. One day, she got to come to my office and write on my white board and do some math problems. She loved that. :)

She made me a very beautiful bracelet for Mother's day (gave it to me early)... with Auntie Ellen. She and Auntie Ellen have gotten to hang out a bit recently... and I know they both like that!

Here are some spring pics. :)

Rapunzel day

Easter :)

Library fun!

Mommy's white board... really, it's fun!

Lil M and Baby B

Kindergarten art show

Kindergarten art show

Maggi Moo - stylin

Easter eggs!!

Easter

 

Lil M and Maggi Moo in the car

Peace.