Sunday, June 26, 2011

Not surprised

It took my last foster less than one week (4 days, actually) to be asked to leave her current foster home. Apparently, they talked to her first foster mom (this go around) and were afraid for her to be in their home, lest she hear something she would try to use against them... They didn't want to be afraid to speak in their own home.

Good for them, I say.

I'm recuperating from the week. It was my last week of class for the summer, and I'm praying I got a B... it wasn't a tough class at all, but the timing was a bit rough. If he liked my paper, I might even eek out an A. :) Quiz grades were lower than they should have been, but I was a bit preoccupied the past few weeks. Oh well.

Lil M is doing well. She definitely needs some concentrated Mommy time. We went to the aquarium yesterday with Torrie, baby Gabe, Kamren and us. It was fun. :) Spendy for sure, but fun. Then we went to the park and let them run around for a bit, to the grocery and home. Nice day, even with the studying and quizzes due.

Today, is "relax" day. Though, we'll go see the gma and Baby B for a little bit for a playdate. Hoping that goes well.


Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Lessons Learned

Baby B has moved to her grandma's house for good. The three weeks we had to do a transition was difficult and not a transition at all. The reason why is because B's mom came to stay with us. That was awful. Well, it started out rough, then I thought got better, but was awful at the end.

The mom was only at my house so she could spend time with B. She didn't want to be there. And she has issues... one of which is lying and sneakery. For example, she likes to record people's conversations without them knowing, so if she can find a way to use it against them, she will. She also lied about several fairly big things (ie., talking to her ex, when there is a no-contact order).

Well, as of Monday evening, the mom left. Baby B left Sunday night. The mom disregarded her curfew (specific amt of hours she was allowed non-supervised time a day), both on Friday and Sunday. Then she didn't go to the foster office on Mon, like she was supposed to. All because she was upset about B going to gma's. I understood, but there are always consequences... to which she replied that she's 20 and not 12, so there wouldn't be consequences.

She was ready for a fight on Mon evening and at one point even got right up in my face (about 1/2" away from my face, even) and acted like she was going to hit me. She had already made up her mind she was leaving. And she did. The story is much more than that, but suffice to say... I'm relieved.

This may mean I don't get to see B like I thought. But that's OK. I did what I could and now it is time to move on from this particular situation. Which is highly unfortunate. But, I guess that's life.

I learned that there are people who are really all about drama and finding ways to get other people in trouble... to try to cover up their own flaws and problems. It is exhausting, actually. I'm not perfect, but sheesh. Being recorded and tattled on over every little thing... most of which wasn't even true or blown way out of proportion... is beyond what I can handle.

I do ask God's forgiveness (more understanding, really) for not being able to help more and for not being able to figure this one out. Especially, for not giving it a full chance... but mostly for not listening and reacting in a gentler manner. I was pretty gentle, but not enough. For example, when the mom texted me and said "push my buttons, please!" I decided a face-to-face might actually be better. But that just made things worse. I should have just walked away for a bit and attempted to let her calm down. I am not sure it would have worked, but it is something I could have tried.

I was trying to protect my own family and self by not giving it a full chance. I didn't think it would last past Baby B leaving, and I was right. But still. I'm hoping this was a one-off and that I can continue to help.

But the other thing I learned during this process is that my agency ... well, they were hugely disappointing. They've worked with this girl before and said they wouldn't buy into her BS, but that didn't seem to be the case. They were FULL of DRAMA this entire time, too, and that is just ridiculous. They were also mean and rude. I'm not sure how much I want to work with them in the future because of all this.

I also learned that I did like having a 2nd child in the house... not the mom, but Baby B. My hopes aren't quite shattered of expanding expanding our little family one day. (If it happens, great. If not, I do know I'm SUPER BLESSED to have Lil M.) ...But I don't think it'll happen this way, through this agency. So, I've got to think about what I want to do next.


Friday, June 3, 2011

Long short week

The past few weeks have been quite busy and long for us here. B's mom came to live with us as of last Thursday. It's been an adjustment to say the least. I've been quite stressed. But when I take a step back and look at it a little more objectively, it hasn't been that bad.

There is definitely a different dynamic in the house now, and B's mom is doing more parenting. We kind of share the parenting, but I'm trying to let her parent. I only showed my frustration with her one time this week, and I think that's probably good considering the big change for us all!

I think Lil M does understand that B will be leaving, but she thinks she'll go live with her mom. Instead, B will be going to live with her grandma until/unless her mom can get her stuff together and get custody back.

I hadn't heard from Torrie in a few weeks, and that was bumming me out. But, she finally wrote me this week and is going to hang out with me and Lil M tonight while B&B go to Baby B's gma's house. That'll be nice. I'm proud of her because she graduated high school. :) Now, just gotta get her motivated to get work or go onto college.. preferably both! lol. But it'll probably be work. Looks like I might keep baby Gabe tomorrow night, too. :)

So, it's going to be another long (busy) weekend. I'll give you an idea of what I mean...

drop B&B off at B's gma's house 6:pm-ish tonight
go pick up Torrie and the baby
take T/baby home

tomorrow morning - 10am take Lil M to a festival with Auntie E for E's bday
4pm, pick up Brit (leave baby B there til Sunday)
5pm dinner with E and friends
Sometime tomorrow pick up or have Gabe dropped off...

sunday - Baby B comes home at 6pm
Gabe goes home sometime... likely noon or 1pm.
homework/cleaning/laundry/playing with Lil M/veg out.... get ready for work on Monday

On a normal weekend, we have to take/pick up B from her gma's house because of visitation. This week has been more work because her mom came to stay. And then Torrie called. And it is Ellen's birthday. And, and, and... lol

Baby B will go live with her grandma by June 17, maybe before. Her mom has the option to stay with us for awhile... but I'm not sure yet what she will do. It would be good if she could stay. But she has to make her own decision. Once we get through this transition into the home and B leaves, I do think it'd be easier for her and I... the longest she'd be with us would be next February. Otherwise, she could leave at any time. If that happens, I might take a short break again... so I can take Lil M on a vacation and such. :)