Friday, October 15, 2010

we're all broken in some way

I had some banter back and forth with a friend of mine today. They were remarking about how my FD has made a mistake and that it was "ignorant" ...and that I'm a saint because I choose to be OK with the situation. Ignorant in that there is a plethora of birth control options and any teenager in their right mind would use them. Well, while not using something could be perceived as ignorant... there are other reasons people don't use them. I don't think those make a person ignorant in their decision. Gullible? Deluded? Hopeful?

We all make mistakes. We all want to be loved. Or are too trusting. Or want to fix someone else's broken-ness. Sometimes the things we do to try to get love, or feel love, don't coincide with what society tells us is right or good. I've made my fair share of mistakes and I will not condemn her for making one. My only issue with her being pregnant is her age and my concern for her finishing school (preferably college). It just makes things a bit more complicated and harder... because she doesn't just have to think of herself now, she has to think of a whole other person and make her goals allign with that fact.

As far as my being a saint. Puulease. I don't think of myself in that way because my thought is... if I'm equally as broken how can i judge my child or another person for being broken, too? I don't think that's fair.

So, while T might not think I'm overly excited about her having a baby, I think she does know that I'm not upset with her. I can be concerned for her and still be excited about the new life. I guess it just tempers my reaction a little bit.



Laraf123 said...

Ok, I won't call you a saint but I will tell you that you are an inspiration. This world would be a better place if every lost and confused girl had a mom like you.

ellen said...

I think you're on the right track saying it's hopefulness, not ignorance. There's been studies showing that the frontal lobe isn't fully developed until mid-20s, which is the part of the brain that thinks of possible consequences and helps keep you from making impulsive decisions.

I'm thinking there's a pretty good chance that your co-workers who called her ignorant did some pretty risky things in their adolescence - driving recklessly, drinking, and/or unprotected sex. They may have just been lucky that they didn't have serious consequences.

IMO, there's worse things that your foster daughter could have done (like drugs, hurting other people or herself, stealing).

And this may sound odd, but I think you'll understand what I mean. I think there's been some good come out of the situation - I think T trusts you more because you've continued to be supportive and love her regardless of her getting pregnant. And because you have not treated her like she's ignorant.