Friday, April 24, 2009


I've been looking at foster care and foster-adoption lately. It's one option for me when looking at family building. One thing I have found interesting when talking to people is that they feel like fostering a child would be out of the realm of possibility for them because the children are "too messed up" for them to care for. That the children might be to difficult or, God forbid, have things they have to deal with in order to heal.

Is it ugly? Yes. Do I understand how these people hurt their children like they do? NO. Is it easy to help someone when they've gone through SO much and are only a child? I'm absolutely sure it won't/wouldn't be.

Should we reject these children just because they have baggage and hurts we don't understand? No.

The odd thing for me is that I don't feel like these people say they do. If anything, I feel like I'm probably not good enough to take on such a worthy, amazing task. I have my own flaws. I am by no means perfect. But for some reason, I feel like I'm supposed to help somehow. And if that means taking a risk, then that's what I will do.

Now, here's the thing. I seem to be a worrier by nature. (or was that nurture?) I'm not as much worried about the child(ren) I might foster/adopt as I am my own capabilities as a parent. It seems other people aren't this way. Which I find odd. Other people seem to have this self-confidence, that I don't have. And why that's weird is because I've had Lil M for almost 2 years now! You'd think I'd be more confident by now. She's great. We're great... but it is a pretty well known fact that she's a fantastic child.

So, I pray. I'll continue to pray about this situation and moving forward. I'm in the process of becoming certified as a foster/adoptive parent in my state. And, I hope by the time that process is finished that I will feel more confident that I can help a child who needs me. It is in God's hands, and I am confident that God knows what is best for all of us. :)

I also pray for those rejected by their families. My heart breaks for them.



Beautiful Mess said...

You are an amazing beautiful woman! You are perfect in YOUR way! Any child would be a lucky one to be able to have you parent in their life. I wish and I pray right along with you.

onemorebaby said...

As a brand-spanken' new foster/adopt parent myself (still waiting for my first placement, though) I understand everything you have written... just know that what you have to offer these kids is SO great, just as you are! You are so much more than these kids have have had in the past... they would be blessed to have you!

"MissMelissa" said...

Wow, I wasn't expecting comments to this post! THANK YOU SO MUCH. You two are so nice. :)

I hope you're right!! It feels like I'm the only one who ever has doubts about my role... I can't figure out why that is.


ellen said...

You're an awesome mother to Mia - she's such a happy confident child.

Here's a thought - I think some worry can be a good, beneficial thing. It can help us to grow, be more aware that our actions are important, and basically help us become better. So don't worry about the fact that you sometimes worry!

I feel sad for kids that "age out" of the system without being adopted. I can imagine that would make a child feel unlovable and insecure. Every once in a while I feel like I *should* foster or adopt because I am financially able. I have to be honest though and acknowledge that I don't really have a desire to be a parent (especially a full time single parent) plus I am intimidated by the possibility that I would be overwhelmed by a child that had a lot of emotional problems. I have been thinking lately about volunteering for CASA. There was a really good article in CityBeat a couple of weeks ago re: CASA and how they need volunteers.

Sarah Mae said...

My heart breaks for those sweet kiddos myself. It's a good thing God didn't have the mind set that "we" were too messed - He adopted us!