Tuesday, April 26, 2011


I haven't written much lately because I'm not sure what all to say...wheels are still turning around here... it's been a very, very rainy spring here. Fostering a 2.5 year old is much different than the 17YO from last year, of course. And here are some of my thoughts/feelings about that.

First, I have enjoyed both experiences for different reasons. I was kind of surprised I liked fostering a teen. She is a good girl, even though she has her own issues (don't we all). The thing that kind of makes me sad at this point is that she doesn't seem to like Lil M as much as I thought she did earlier on... maybe that is because she is more into her Baby G now... or, well, I have no idea. I do know that Lil M still considers her a sister and I like that. T has always been good with Lil M, I'm not saying anything like that. She is going to graduate, which I'm extremely happy about. Let's see where her next chapter leads.

B is my 2.5YO and it has been a blessing to be able to have a little one in the house with us. Yes, I've gotten attached, as has she with me. Her Mamaw (gma) said as much in the past few days. My response was that it is better to be attached than not. Even if that means pain for me later.

Dealing with her family can be somewhat trying at times. They are nice enough people, don't get me wrong, it's just that the gma wants custody of B... and can be a little catty with me at times. I do know she likes me, but is in a difficult position. I think she "wants" B because she feels obligated "she's family"... but what B needs is a Mommy...

I do know that the goal is always reunification. I am not even saying that I have a right to B. But I can't help believing and praying that I am the right choice for now and hope that continues. I like parenting her and I wish she could stay as long as possible. I love seeing her progress. I love tucking her in at night. I love it that Lil M and she get to be sisters.

Of course, it is a bit scary how this all might affect Lil M in the long run. I hope and pray that I am making the right decisions for the both of us. I want her to know that we help people because we can. And that it is the right thing to do. And that God loves us, so shall we love each other.

Selfishly, I wish B could stay with us forever. And I pray for God's guidance and gentleness with my heart no matter if she gets to or not (likely not). I also pray for T and that we continue to be family. I do love her, too. And of course, I have the best daughter in the world in Lil M. Thank you Lord.



DannieA said...

I'll pray for courage to continue what you are doing even in the light of uncertainty.

I want to fost/adopt again, but now with the little one, of course I'm scared of how it will affect the little one...but again prayers do wonders for the soul

Laraf123 said...

Of course, it's hard for me to say but I think in the long run lil M will be just fine no matter how the situation resolves. She has a loving mommy who puts her love in action for children who don't have a mommy. I suspect that your daughter already knows that but as she grows that knowledge will fill her with comfort and pride. Not to mention, what a wonderful example you are showing her.