As best I can

Lil M has been taking piano for about 4 weeks now... she's doing pretty well, but getting her to practice is a little tough. I'm trying to think of good ideas for a reward for practicing each night... at first, it will be very small (ie a piece of gum, or extra snuggles) ... then I think I'm going to go for like 3 days at a time... or a week at a time and do something a little bigger... like getting her nails painted or something. She does like it when I am right there with her, helping her practice. She likes it when I sing the notes and we practice some of our music together. So, I'll continue that, as well.

She seems to be learning a bit, which is nice. I wonder how long she might like to take these lessons. We'll see. It might be something we're just trying out, like we did last summer with other things (soccer, dance, swimming).

Lil M does like gymnastics... it's pretty fun for her. So, we're going to stick with gymnastics for awhile... she's been doing this since about January, and I'm glad she likes it. I think it is good for her for several reasons... large motor skill development, small group teaching/interaction, physical space recognition, plus the tumbling and exercise.

The piano is good, I think, because of the finger dexterity, reading notes and numbers, following items on a page, the one-on-one teaching, the musical ear learning... so, I hope we can stick with it for awhile, too.

She will be one of the younger/est ones in her class, and I'm wondering if that'll be ok. Her aptitude is good, but I'm wondering about her attention span... We have a lot of stuff going on this fall and I'm kind of glad that it's just the two of us right now.

Which leads me to the fostering stuff. I am not taking an 'official' break right now... and I still need to keep up on my training... but I'm glad that I haven't gotten any calls for referrals in the past week. The past several months wore me down and I need a break. I need to focus on my own daughter and our lives right now. I'm excited to do that, actually, and am not feeling as guilty about that as I have been. Don't berate me for feeling guilty. It's something I was brought up with, and it's hard to let go of that tendency.

Lil M needs my full attention right now as she enters kindergarten. She needs to know that Mommy is right here and can help her move into this big school and transition in her life. I know it seems small... but it really is a big deal. As least for the next short while, IMO.

I thought I'd feel more guilty because I have moved more into the mindset of 'helping' others by fostering instead of what I want/ed... to family build. I'm extremely happy with having my daughter, and if I don't get to have a 2nd, then we'll be OK. In the mindset of helping, though, that was making me feel kind of guilty that I wanted a break... but I've been praying about it and I feel much more peace about it all now.

I can't do it all. I can't be all things to all people. I need to choose. And I choose to be Mommy to my daughter and to be the best I can be in all areas of my life. That just might not include a foster right now... we'll see when it does again... could be a few weeks, or longer.

Baby B seems to be thriving with her gma. T and baby G seem to be doing alright, even with the limited resources... I continue to support and develop relationships there as best I can. I do love them all.

Peace.