Tuesday, March 13, 2012


It occurred to me today that perhaps I'm trying to fit a square peg into a round hole in my life.

You see, I started fostering thinking I would eventually adopt again. But I don't see that happening. I don't 100% know that I want it to after all this. I've been trying to make someone fit into our lives, our family, when they aren't meant to. I'm not saying it couldn't happen. And to some extent, it has happened... but, really. If I'm completely honest with myself, I think maybe Lil M and I are meant to be by ourselves.

I've taken on the world, and it wasn't mine to take. Only God can do that. I can help, but if I can't figure out how to draw clearer boundaries in my life/heart, then I need to back off.

I have two fosters right now that aren't too bad. Not perfect, but not awful. Just in between somewhere. But with all the drama with T, I'm just not sure I can handle it anymore.  I don't want to hurt them, or be the cause of any issues for them. But, my health and my relationship with my daughter needs to start taking precedence.

I take too much on. I get that. Now, I've got to figure out what "balance" really means.


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