Sunday, May 30, 2010

keeping on

Still having a bit of a tough time around here. T got suspended for the last day of school and has pierced her eyebrow. I told her to take it out and she refused. She is currently grounded. And I'm frustrated.

On a positive note, Lil M is doing well. She and I went to see a movie the other day, by ourselves, which was nice. I took Tuesday off so that we could spend the day together, but now T is not in school. I don't know what we'll do now. Probably stay home, since T is pretty well locked down right now (not allowed to go anywhere or see BF for at least 2 weeks). She'll be that way for awhile, especially since she refuses to take out her new piercing. Which is just irritating because a) she did it herself and could get an infection... affecting the baby, since she is also pregnant and b) she did it after i told her she shouldn't since she's supposed to get a job.

Speaking of her getting a job, i have no idea how that's going to work now. But, if she doesn't find something, she'll have to go somewhere else. She can't stay here all day by herself every day for 3 months. I won't allow it.

Anyway, I'm just trying to go ahead and get some things done around here and spend quality time with Lil M (since T won't come out of her room... her choice, not mine).

I don't see this getting better for awhile, if at all. I'm guessing she is feeling overwhelmed from the pregnancy, though, she won't admit it. I do not feel like I'm helping or doing anything positive right now, either. Frankly, I'm disappointed and need some time to process, I guess. I started this process to try to build a relationship with a child... then I accepted a teen... and hoped that would still happen. Right now, it doesn't feel like it is. I'm trying to contend with 17 years of history that I know nothing about, and clearly can't fix. So, prayers are welcome...



Tom in Vegas said...

Would you accept my help? Diapers; mom stuff; anything. I can send it via Kris and not compromise your privacy.

Mama Melissa said...

that is very, very sweet, Tom. i feel like a big wimp. not sure much more i can handle...

Mama Melissa said...

PS... Lil M is potty trained. ;-)

Tom in Vegas said...

Well, at least with Mia's potty training it isn't all bad.

Think of this challenge as having two kids, that's all (easier said than done) and that you're just going through the troubles that many American households go through everyday. But this too shall pass.

I'll try and get a hold of Kris so you won't have to share your address with strangers. Quite frankly, I've been neglectful of my friendship with Kris since I haven't visited her blog in a long time. I feel terrible about the whole thing. I hope she's not upset with me :0(

Stay strong, ya'll!

Mama Melissa said...

i hope you are right, Tom. i told T today that she has a decision to make... to be here or not. It is up to her.

i think my biggest disappointment right now is how much she doesn't seem to like things about me ...and i'm sure a lot of that is just her trying to reconcile in her own self what she's been through (conscious or not)... but it hurts way more than i thought it would.

and this weekend i've taken things way more personally than i should be. and i haven't been very nice or understanding... especially after she got suspended for tuesday and doesn't seem to care (except, she did say she cares about missing her exam, i guess that's something).

you know on occasion i do have poor-pity-me-parties... right? i'm just feeling overwhelmed right now, and i HOPE and pray you are right... that this will pass. but i might have caused more of a rift today when i said she needs to make a decision.

i need to lower my expectations... or just have more realistic ones based on how things have changed in her situation...

thanks for listening.


PS. I'm sure Kris isn't upset with you! i can't imagine she would be. she's had a lot on her plate too!!

Tom in Vegas said...


Is there a general gmail address you can be reached at? If it's private, please don't divulge it.

Mama Melissa said...

missmelissa 41076 @hotmail .com

take out the spaces above.