Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Not worth it

It is just not worth it for me to date right now. There I said it. Men are pigs (sorry Tom), and I have better things to do with my time than to worry if they like me or not. Seriously. And, somehow I've been feeling like I'm the one with the problem. I'm not. They are just not worth my time.

So there you have it.

Ok, so I'm editing to add the more important part. A good friend of mine mentioned to me that I get "stuck" when I get into a relationship. And by that, he means stop dead due to fear. And, he'd be right. And I haven't worked on myself to fix that. On the flip side, not one person I've ever dated has ever seemed to get that or me at all. I've picked the wrong men, and before I date again, I need to really sit down and figure out who the right one might even look like. And, see if I can get past my own fears.

btw, thanks, Joe. You really helped me today. :)



Tom in Vegas said...

Calling us piggies will not make the problem go away (oink).

Ok, come here for a second and have a seat on this chair...yes, that one right there. Are you comfy? Can I get you a drink? No? Well then let's begin.

I'm looking through your file here and based on our previous discussions, I'm noticing a pattern of behavior which you describe as "picking the wrong men", is that correct? Good. Well, Malissa, because I'm a board certified beautician I can offer you a clinical evaluation on why you do the things you do. Let me consult my Tyra manual for a second......okay, I got it:

Perhaps when you meet a guy, you should look at the WHOLE package and not just those things that you consider a plus. In order to see more of what he's about, try to genuinely create a long-term friendship,and keep an eye on those subtle habits he may have that seem inconsequential, but in reality reveal something woth noting. The idea is - as you get to know him - to take a few things from his personal life, a few things from his professional life, a few more things from his idea of family (you have to think about Mia), and a few others from his reactions to things in general. Put all those pieces together and you have a bigger picture beginning to take shape.

Do you think you concentrate too much on looks? How about on sweet talk? Perhaps you do or you don't. Now, this does NOT mean ignore looks, because Lord knows no matter how hard I've tried to do just that I've never been able to do it completely (my ex knows my Achilles heel all too well). This doesn't mean ignore kind words either. But remember that a relationship is always better in the beginning, which means guys will say anything to impress you so they can get a second date.

You especially want to see how he treats his mother and how he is around kids. A man that does not like children but is willing to date someone who has children has ulterior motives and is NOT worth trusting. Okay?

Did this session help any? Are men still piggies (oink)? Has the pink unicorn left the room? You have a bill due. Please pat AT ONCE:0)

Tom in Vegas said...

Meant to say "please pay at once."

I've tried to pet the pink unicorn that kept you company during our therapy session, but unfortunately I couldn't see him:0)

Mama Melissa said...

you're right, Tyra, I mean Tom... it's not that I pick on one thing with guys... it's more that I maybe don't look at the whole package, or do, and still try to make excuses for them. Like I owe them that, or something?? I don't.

Today's little vent (and the past couple of days) is because I tried to date a guy a 2nd time (big no, no) who dumped me the first time for his ex-wife... yep, you read that right. But I thought that after 4+ years he might deserve another shot because he does have a kid and he seemed to be on board with the whole kid thing... but he wanted to go WAY too fast for me. Of course, as my other friend pointed out... I sort of get "stuck"... like you know when you're afraid and can't move? And it takes me a long (apparently never) time to get out of that mud. So, this guy found someone else....uh, quicker, I guess.

But you did say something that is very true. It is time for me to look at the whole package and decide if it is right for not only me... but the girls, too. And that I can do that. For some reason (and this is the only area) I can't seem to let myself think I'm worth being choosy. Do not ask me why. Because I know logically it is ridiculous..

I must be choosy.

I will "pat" the unicorn now. LOL Ok, or pay.

Anonymous said...

Amen! I think about dating and it just makes me tired.