some days

I will confess that I'm a realist. I'm also a hopeful person. Positive, yes, but not an eternal optimist. These past few days at home have been kind of tough for me. After T didn't go with us to the funeral on thursday, she has pretty much stayed in her room and only talked to me when necessary. I did get upset with her Thurs for being late, and we had a long talk. But, either there is something else going on, or she's just upset with me. And, frankly, I just don't feel like pushing it right now. At the same time, I feel like a failure (the past few times i've asked what's wrong she says nothing or says it isn't about me... right). So, she's been here, but not here. AT ALL. I'm discouraged. I know this stuff happens, and it is likely going to be fine in a day or two. But today, I'm feeling stressed about it.

I said the things before about being a realist. I can't make someone want to be here or care. All I can do for her is to try to be here and keep moving forward. Most days it is no problem, and I feel like we're doing pretty well. Today, I feel like my contributions in this area (of fostering) are extremely limited. And do not know what I will do moving forward in this area.

Then that makes me question having a 2nd child. Which isn't in the near future at this point, anyway, with moving (someday) and/or figuring out if I'll need to put Lil M in private school next year. So, there you have it. I'm having sort of a pity-me day. Oh well... this too shall pass!!

I thank the Lord God for all the blessings in my/our life(lives).

Peace.

cold and rainy

There's your weather report for here... it is cold and rainy. I'm sitting in my new office at work, and wishing I was sitting on the couch under a blanket with a cup of tea about right now. lol

Things are OK here, but have been stressful for the past few weeks. My getting a new office meant others were hurt and I don't like that part. I do like the new digs and am hoping things move forward for me.

On the home front, things are pretty well the same as they've been. We've been to the park a couple of times recently, and that's been nice. T did alright on her ACT, but not high enough... so will need to re-take it. Lil M has transitioned into her new room at daycare pretty well, even though I don't always like the new behaviors that have come from that. We had a stressful couple of weeks there, or I did, anyway... I don't like her changing rooms all the time and having to keep getting used a new teacher and new ways. But it is working out.

So back to the work thing. I got a title change and 3 direct reports. It wasn't exactly a level change, except the direct reports, just more added to my title. But I did get the office. I pray that in the next few months that it all becomes more solidified and that I can prove that I am the right person to help lead here. I also lift up a prayer for those who have been affected negatively through all the change.

Peace.

Weekend stuff

We got some housework done today, plus, I cleaned the car out! Not only did I clean it out (ok, except the trunk), I vacuumed it and got it wiped out. It looks good!! I need to get it washed and clean the trunk out and it'll be perfect. :)

I also got on the Pilates machine today, for the first time in awhile. The goal is to get on the treadmill this week, but I'm waiting another day or two to make sure I don't overdo it, since I've been sick for almost two weeks now.

Oh, yesterday I finally got the lawnmower to work to do the entire yard. It took three times. :( I am going to get some really good gas and see if that will fix the problem for the season. If not, I think it might actually be a carburetor problem at this point. If it is, then I'll either try to get it fixed (depending on cost) or get a new one. But, thankfully, I was able to get the yard done yesterday! Woot.

I've been trying to decompress from the week. It was a good week in some ways, but definitely hard in others. Two people I work with are no longer working where I do. That was tough. Also, my Great Aunt Mae passed away. I don't get much information from my family, but at least I got the news.

T said she didn't want to go on a vacation with us, but I'm wondering if she'll change her mind. We'll see. Lil M is doing pretty well and has definitely grown a size in the past couple of months.

I grilled out today for the first time all season... chicken, and it turned out really well. We'll have to do that a lot more. :) We had a fairly big Sunday dinner, I guess, with green beans, rice, pinto beans and salad.

Gosh, I'm boring this week.

Peace.

There are things in life

... that I don't take for granted. Or at least I try very hard not to. And one of those is my daughter, Lil M, and how we became a family. When I hear very sad stories (a recent one about a mother sending her son back to Russia ... on a plane, by himself... "giving him back") it just completely wrenches my heart. Completely.

Unfortunately, the extremely small amount of adoption disruptions give adoptions a bad name. :( And, now, Russia is considering stopping international adoptions. There is one tiny contribution we can make... please sign this petition. Please.

If we can help, in any way, to keep international adoptions open it would help so many children and families. If, for some reason, I wasn't able to adopt... I wouldn't have my own child right now. I just can't tell you how sad that makes me.

Peace.

Fun fact

So, I just realized something...

Sis likes malted milkshakes but not malted milk-balls (like from Easter).

I like malted milk-balls but not malted milkshakes.

There you go. ;-)

Peace.

The many positives of being a single parent... for both the parent and child

I found this article today:

http://singleparents.about.com/od/familyrelationships/tp/raised_single.htm

They point out that children raised by a single parent often have a stronger bond with that parent, well into their adulthood.

And, according to this article: http://singleparents.about.com/od/familyrelationships/tp/raised_single.htm I am the average single parent... well allrighty then!

This single parent took her son to "family math night" - math with M&M's, fun! He loved it and I got to eat cookies that had M&M's and to drink lemonade :) He got to see the difference in weight of M&M's, peanut M&M's and Skittles; he also did a fun little project counting them to find the median, mode, etc. And finally he plotted points on a graph, and when he connected the points it made M & M hehe, clever! We had fun.

Bubbles

Saturday, Lil M got to go to K's 5th birthday party (I'll post some pics if I get approval... but here's my girl eating a cupcake!) We had BIG fun at the birthday party, thanks C!!!

Lil M and Nephew had fun blowing bubbles in the backyard yesterday (Easter).

Celebrating Grandma's belated 60th (or according to the candles, 21st!) birthday on Easter, too.
Peace.

Haircut

Lil M got a trim tonight. She enjoyed it. :) Douglas (our hairdresser) said she ran to the wash basin to get her hair washed, and that she beat him to it... and sat down just like a big girl! She loved it. All smiles. :)

Peace.

Laughing is good

Last night we went to our favorite coffee shop and got to sit out in the evening air for a bit. We all had the giggles and played duck-duck goose, tickled each other, made the chairs into a train... T played airplane with Lil M... all, while laughing and generally making fools of ourselves in public... but it was all in good fun, and made our bellies hurt (in the good way, of course)!

This was after having a few days that were a bit more stressful. As I mentioned, last week T got herself in a little trouble with Mommy. This week, I got a call from the school for something that happened and they made it sound like it was a behavior that happened on Monday, but it was really what started everything last week. See, apparently, T got a bit obnoxious on the bus last week (Tuesday) and that was the day she decided to go "walking" with a friend and not come home when she should have. The two problems there were, a) she didn't have permission to go walk and b) she knew she needed to be home so I could go to a class.

But, the principal made it sound like what he was calling me about was this week. It was not. I believe that her bus incident happened (she told me it was the same day she got in trouble with me)... and then she probably (small guess on my part) decided that heck... if i'm already in trouble, why not go do what i want?!! So, she did. But I didn't even know about the bus thing, yet. So, she overreacted for nothing. And got herself in more trouble.

Now, one could argue that maybe she figured if she was already in trouble, why not go for it. Or maybe, if I get myself in trouble at home... the bus thing won't look so bad. I don't really know for sure, but it's all been resolved by now.

I think that what she did on the bus was typical teenage type behavior (albeit, a bit over the top). And I also think that T (as well as a lot of foster kids) get the shaft when it comes to the 'benefit of the doubt'. So, that's what I'm trying to do, in that regard.

Now, when it comes to being disrespectful to our family unit... and just going out without permission, that's a different story. And that was the only thing she saw a consequence from me about. She did say that I didn't react like previous people might have... (i didn't call the police). I want her to know that she needs to communicate with me. And, for her to really understand that, I need to communicate with her. Not just to her. With her. Some of these kids don't have that basic understanding. Everything is rules and consequences. I do believe she needs those, but she is at the point in her life where she needs to understand why there are rules/consequences and not just handed punishment.

Every situation is different, but I am trying to do right by her and all of us. I just hope I am!

This having a 17YO in the house is definitely different, but so far we're hanging in there and it's been good.

Peace.

PS. I read this awesome quote from a friend of mine, and it speaks to how I feel about life:

Edward Hale: “I am only one. But I am one. I can’t do everything, but I can do something; and that I can do, I ought to do. And what I ought to do, by the grace of God I shall do.”