Sunday, April 25, 2010

some days

I will confess that I'm a realist. I'm also a hopeful person. Positive, yes, but not an eternal optimist. These past few days at home have been kind of tough for me. After T didn't go with us to the funeral on thursday, she has pretty much stayed in her room and only talked to me when necessary. I did get upset with her Thurs for being late, and we had a long talk. But, either there is something else going on, or she's just upset with me. And, frankly, I just don't feel like pushing it right now. At the same time, I feel like a failure (the past few times i've asked what's wrong she says nothing or says it isn't about me... right). So, she's been here, but not here. AT ALL. I'm discouraged. I know this stuff happens, and it is likely going to be fine in a day or two. But today, I'm feeling stressed about it.

I said the things before about being a realist. I can't make someone want to be here or care. All I can do for her is to try to be here and keep moving forward. Most days it is no problem, and I feel like we're doing pretty well. Today, I feel like my contributions in this area (of fostering) are extremely limited. And do not know what I will do moving forward in this area.

Then that makes me question having a 2nd child. Which isn't in the near future at this point, anyway, with moving (someday) and/or figuring out if I'll need to put Lil M in private school next year. So, there you have it. I'm having sort of a pity-me day. Oh well... this too shall pass!!

I thank the Lord God for all the blessings in my/our life(lives).



Beautiful Mess said...

It is hard to parent an older child. You want to "fix" their problems like you can with little ones. I've learned that when Nae gets in her moods, I do my best to not hound her about them. I'll ask her what's wrong and if she says "nothing" and I still feel as if something is up, I find other ways to get through to her. I'll have her cook a meal with me, or at dinner we'll play a game. It's called "high\low", we all take turns saying what the high point of our day was and the low part. I've even said something about when I was growing up and one of my friends did this or that in the hopes she'll open up a bit. It doesn't work every time, or even half the time, but at least it sends a message to her that I'm here for her, no matter what.

ACK! Sorry about that LONG bit of advice you didn't even ask for. It just kind of hit home, as we're dealing with these attitude and mood changes with her.

In the end know that you are doing an AMAZING job! You're awesome, no matter what!

Mama Melissa said...

actually, that was great to hear and great advice. i have tried talking and asking... i wasn't in the mood to try to get her to do something like what you mentioned... 'cause i wasn't quite in the right mood. took this one more personally, 'cause we had the issue thursday. but i will try it. i do want her to know i'm here whenever she might be ready to open up.

it is also good to know i'm not alone.

big hugs!!