Wednesday, March 24, 2010


This week has been a little different around here. T decided yesterday she was bored and wanted out of the house... and so left without permission. That did not go over well with me, as you can imagine. Not only did it make me late for a training class, but I had no idea where she was or when she was coming back. Not good.

So, I told her to come up with what she felt was a reasonable consequence. I got that list today, and it was more complaining 'punishment' list than anything. So, I changed it. The biggest part is for her to tell me what she thinks is a reasonable agreement for her to spend time with friend and such. The second is to tell me how she plans to be responsible, in addition to contacting me appropriately (like text, phone call, note). The third is how she plans to re-build the trust she's thrown out the window.

Let's see how that goes.

For now, I told her to put her cell phone (the one she didn't use to tell me where she was at) on the kitchen counter for the night. I will decide for how long that will last.

That's like cutting off an appendage. Or so they'd like you to believe.

What I did point out is what I did do vs. what I could have done. I could have called the police. I didn't. Instead, I called her. She told me she doesn't trust me (she hasn't known me that long)... and yet, she thinks that I should let her run around without knowing where she is, who her friends are or when she'll be home, etc. Um. NO. Not only that, but she was going to watch Lil M so I could get this training in. She completely disregarded that. I asked her if it would be acceptable for me to blow off a mandatory (or any, for that matter) training or appointment she had. ......... Uh, yeah. I didn't think it would be. (that was silence, if you couldn't tell.)

So, things here are fine, but the apple cart has been jostled a bit this week. Part of me wonders if it isn't because she is upset we were gone for a few days. Or if something else is going on. Or if she's just decided she wants to be out and to hell with the consequences. I hope we figure it out, though.



Beautiful Mess said...

Could it be that she's testing you to see how much you care? she knows the rules and she knows you, so why would she do this? It's like she asking for attention. That's just my view. I hope it gets better soon!

Mama Melissa said...

That could be part of it. Or there could have been some type of trigger that I'm just not aware of. She definitely does not like to be alone... so, I made sure to spend a lot of time with her yesterday.

I think it is "attachment" attention ... meaning, she may or may not really attach to people and our attachment is tentative. Does that make sense? Kids with bad histories sometimes have a real problem trusting and forming real attachments...

Or I could be reading too much into it. But how she reacted since makes me think it might be partially true.

Or she's a typical teenager... pushing boundaries. Seeing where I'll bend or if I'll give up on her.

The agency has asked me to consider a 2nd referral... of another teen... which MIGHT be a good thing for T.. since she struggles with being alone. Or it could suck.

Big hugs,