This weekend I do believe that I got the Meanest Mom award... not only would I not let Lil M chew on a puzzle piece, I also wouldn't let T spend the night with her sister to take care of her 3 nieces/nephews... at the last minute... on a whim. Nope.
Here's the deal. First, Lil M does not usually put things in her mouth... that I've ever seen. Yesterday, apparently she thought it was a good idea to chew on a puzzle piece (no, she's not teething, she's 3.5 YO and has all of her teeth)... so, I took them all away. Oi. Needless to say, Mommy was pretty upset.
Saturday, T went for a home visit. About 45 minutes before my going to pick her up she called and said her sister asked if she could stay and watch her kids for her. How long?, I asked. Oh, until tomorrow morning.... uh. what?! NO. First, it's 3 children, two of which are under the age of 3. Second, don't come to me with such short notice and call me in front of your sister and ask. Then, she said that Sis didn't ask her, she offered to help her sister. OK, see my 2nd point then. Call me first. I realize I don't rate in comparison, but here's the thing - I am currently the one responsible. So, it is my decision to make.
Then T said something about calling the SW to get her to say it was OK, to which I responded it wasn't up to her. It was up to me. And I say no.
I did, however, give her two other options. One, have her sister bring said kiddos over to our house and she could watch them over night. Which, btw, is pretty generous, if you ask me. Or, she could babysit but only until 10pm, not overnight. The sister said No. That her kids' stuff was at her house and they needed to be watched there. Ok. Well... free babysitting overnight... I'm thinking if I wanted to go out, I'd take it. I guess she didn't want to go out that bad. Or... well, it was more true that T had offered and Sis didn't really care to begin with.
Here's the other thing... I had let T have a boy over last weekend for several hours. He even came to eat with us. Then, I let her go out on Friday night for a little while with this guy and she was late getting home (she did send me a text saying he lost the keys - they're in the middle of moving, but still)....
So, I've been getting the silent treatment. Oh, and she hasn't studied at all for the ACT this weekend, like she said she would. She didn't come out of her room except to go to the bathroom in 24 hours.
When she asks me to pay for her phone this week, that will also be a No. Why? Because I'm a mean Mom. But I will get the point across that I am the Mom. I make the decisions around here. That... is very important.
Peace.
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Gift Fatigue
20 hours ago
3 comments:
I, for one, think you did the right thing. You gave her plenty of options, and that was more than you needed to do IMHO. She's a teenager and unless you let her do everything she wants to do, then your going to have days like this. But it is important for her to know that she isn't going to get everything she wants... that's just life!
It's a shame that she used this as a reason to not do anything toward her ACT's, but hey, she's only hurting herself... and maybe that lightbulb will come on soon :)
As for little M, well she is probably just testing you as well. And thankfully, she won't hold a grudge nearly as long as T ;)
xxoo
Well, sometimes you gotta put your foot down and dish-out some tough love for the betterment of everybody. As long as Mia and T live under your roof, they abide by YOUR rules as you see fit. There can be NO arguing that principle, especially when you are legally responsible for them both. If something goes wrong and authorities get involved, the buck stops with you. I do respect the fact that you are making decisions that you know are right, and are completely unapologetic about it. That's the way it should be.
As far as T baby sitting three small children all by herself, I think you've got the makings of the perfect Molotov cocktail in that scenario, and with possible consequences that could have been both irrevocable and irreversible. I'm glad you said no to that request and yet you were still generous enough with the counter offer of bringing them over to your house. Your proposal was turned down which - with all due respect to T - tells me that there is something about that entire arrangement that T isn't telling you about.
When I was a boy, my mom was no different than you are now. She was very responsible (out of love for us) and told us "no" even as we pouted and threw one tantrum after another. Her philosophy: Better you cry now than I cry later.
So no terrible incidents that I can recall from my youth involving a pernicious, rebellious attitude. I once did get caught sneaking a girl out of my house, and that's all I'll say about that:0)
Damn! Go you! I'm very proud of you! Also, can you teach me to be a mean mommy? I think I'm too much of a push over.
Although I did have to be mean to Nae when she asked if she could walk down to the park to hang out with her friends. I didn't mind her going down there, but didn't feel comfortable with her walking there by herself. She got over it eventually, but she wasn't happy with our compromise. Oh well...gotta do what we gotta do, right?
*HUGS*
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