May

Well, it's already May!! The craziness of last semester is over and I survived. 3 more classes, and I will be finished with my Masters degree. I'm very happy about that.

Lil M and I went to see Lang Lang, a very good Chinese Pianist on May 5. She was so adorable and kissed his picture when we got our bulletins. He really is very good and we enjoyed the concert, though, Lil M was tired and wanted to go home by the time he came on! She has told me several time since then that she's Lang Lang. :D I told her she can't be Lang Lang... she's a girl. She'd have to be a boy and not wear dresses and cut her hair! She said... she could just be a boy with long hair. lol.

She's been liking counting, adding, subtracting and adding money for the past couple of months, especially. One day, she got to come to my office and write on my white board and do some math problems. She loved that. :)

She made me a very beautiful bracelet for Mother's day (gave it to me early)... with Auntie Ellen. She and Auntie Ellen have gotten to hang out a bit recently... and I know they both like that!

Here are some spring pics. :)

Rapunzel day

Easter :)

Library fun!

Mommy's white board... really, it's fun!

Lil M and Baby B

Kindergarten art show

Kindergarten art show

Maggi Moo - stylin

Easter eggs!!

Easter

 

Lil M and Maggi Moo in the car

Peace.

Craziness almost over...

This semester in school has just been the toughest in a LONG, LONG time... not because the material is harder... but life was just crazy. I'll admit I took too much on. Yes, write that down. ;-)

The craziness has been dying down and I've got just shy of 2 weeks left of school. Then SUMMER break!!! :) Very excited about that. IF I can pass this semester, I'll only have 3 classes left toward my Masters. Let's see...

Lil M is doing great. Maggi is doing great. All is well. :)

Peace.

Fabulous

I've been sick this weekend (cold, ugh), but Lil M and I had a fabulous weekend in spite of it. :) Happy Easter!! (ps. my hair isn't this red... friend did some fun effect somehow. but i like it!)

Just the two of us...

T and G are moving into an apartment as of tomorrow. I am sad to see them go, but it is necessary for T to grow up and learn how to be on her own... I love her and wish her the very best, and will always be right here for her...

The two fosters are already gone. We had a rough weekend and I had to call and have immediate removal.

As of Thursday, it'll be just me and Lil M... and Maggi. :)

I've learned a TON throughout this fostering process. I'm not sure when I will foster again, or if I will. I will continue to pray about it and see how life turns out over the next few months. It is time right now, though, for me to concentrate on a) Lil M, b) my Masters and c) ME.

Peace to all. :)

Lil M

This one right here makes Mommy's heart Sing.

Peace.

Time

It occurred to me today that perhaps I'm trying to fit a square peg into a round hole in my life.

You see, I started fostering thinking I would eventually adopt again. But I don't see that happening. I don't 100% know that I want it to after all this. I've been trying to make someone fit into our lives, our family, when they aren't meant to. I'm not saying it couldn't happen. And to some extent, it has happened... but, really. If I'm completely honest with myself, I think maybe Lil M and I are meant to be by ourselves.

I've taken on the world, and it wasn't mine to take. Only God can do that. I can help, but if I can't figure out how to draw clearer boundaries in my life/heart, then I need to back off.

I have two fosters right now that aren't too bad. Not perfect, but not awful. Just in between somewhere. But with all the drama with T, I'm just not sure I can handle it anymore.  I don't want to hurt them, or be the cause of any issues for them. But, my health and my relationship with my daughter needs to start taking precedence.

I take too much on. I get that. Now, I've got to figure out what "balance" really means.

Peace.

How much is too much

So. T sort of went off the deep end this week. She didn't go to school. She didn't go to work. She didn't call in or anything, which means she doesn't have a job (from what I can tell). She found a new 'guy'... and has been over there since Wednesday. I'm a wreck. But, it's her life and her choice(s) to make. So, I've got to let it go.

I still have the other two girls, but have had them in respite this weekend. I need a break. I'm considering putting in notice for the first time ever. I just think I need a break for ME. I'm no good to anyone if I'm not OK.

And, I'm not feeling OK this weekend. I'm afraid I've hit my limit. :(

Peace.

Littles Gone and New Ones Come

In January the two little kids, Kayla and Chase, left to go live with their Mom (Jan 7). I hope it works out for them.

Then, I was asked to take a 16YO and her baby sister, 2YO. They came for a weekend of respite and then I decided to accept placement. I guess this is their 3rd week here with us now; they came on Jan 20.

All is reasonably calm for now. Next Tuesday we go to court to see if they will stay here for awhile longer or go live with "Daddy", a family friend.

My sister took Skippy (my male English Setter) for now, because he was stressing me out... he just wasn't happy and it was making us both unhappy. If it doesn't work out there, he'll go back to Sue's. It is unfortunate, but necessary for me. Maggi (my female Sheltie) is doing great. I've let her sleep in my room on the floor 3 nights in a row now.

School has been a challenge for me, just because of everything going on, but I'll manage. I can't wait to be finished with this degree. I really want it, but I really want it done now. lol.

Torrie started school this semester, but is thinking that she's not really ready. That's tough for me. But I'll deal. I've got to figure out how to get the state to still pay for this semester... if that's even possible at this point. :(

I really wish she wouldn't give up.

Peace.

PS. I've convinced Torrie to not fully give up this semester. She's taking 4 classes, and I just dropped one for her. She should be able to do at least the 2 classes if not the 3. We're going to talk about it again tonight. Prayers welcome. :)

Littles

The littles, or two little kids, that I was fostering left on Jan 7. That was this past Saturday. I have no idea if I'll be able to see them ever again, and am lifting up prayers for them for sure.

Torrie started college this week. That was huge and fantastic. Lil M is glad to have Mommy back, as is Torrie, lol. I also start classes this week, too.


If I take a break (temporary or otherwise) from fostering, it is not because I'm burnt out or overwhelmed. It is mostly because I have my little family in Mia, Torrie and Gabe, and am not sure what would be a good fit for us right now. Torrie told me yesterday that she is planning on staying for awhile (perhaps even longer than a year), while she's in school and such. Prayers would be welcomed. :) We're doing well, it's not anything like that. I just hope she likes school and makes some new friends and does well. I made it my goal to help her with school... and that I plan to continue to do as much as I can.

The next thing on the list is to make sure that the state is paying for her school like they are supposed to be. I do NOT want her kicked out because the STATE didn't pay. Ugh. And they said they would... so, let's see.

Here's a pic of Lil M and Gabe from Christmas. :)

Peace.

New Year

Well, hello there, 2012! 2011, just sped on by... and here we are. :)

Let's get everything updated, shall we?

Torrie and Gabe moved back/in in September. We had a great Christmas, and T has even broken up with the 'fiance'. I'm praying that stands and she doesn't go back with him. He's not a nice guy. Gabe will be ONE this month, on the 22nd. I can't believe it's already been a year since he was born. Crazy. Torrie starts school this next week (as do I) ... and I'm pretty darn excited about that! I'm hoping to help her get through her first year... or even just this first semester, so she can feel confident on completing her degree.

Mia started Kindergarten in August, 3 days before she turned 5. She has grown a ton this fall... and I need to measure/weigh her to see how much! She definitely had a grown spurt and her hair is halfway down her back, too!

She's in Piano lessons and Gymnastics. Piano started last summer and gymnastics about this time last year. She's doing well with both. Once I got her some private gymnastics lessons she seemed to really start to get it and is doing great. :) She's also learning how to read, and can sight read words like: the, an, a, like, of, and ... and can sound out many 3 letter words. Her handwriting has really gotten better this year, too, and she likes to add numbers together.

Mia has been a great 'big' sister to the younger foster kids I've had in 2011, and now. She and Bri did well together, and when Bri gets to visit, it's a lot of fun.

I had Bri last year for about 4.5 months... she's now with her grandmother, and that's going really well. Yovonne is about my age and has really stepped up to be the parent in Bri's life. She and I are friends and I'm SO VERY thankful for that relationship! It means that I get to continue to be in Bri's life and have a new friend on top of it. :) I have a feeling she'll end up with permanent custody of Bri soon. Of which, I'm glad.

In December, noted in my last post, I took in two foster kiddos. They are 3 and 4, boy/girl respectively. They are still with us; it's been 3 weeks today. No word, yet, on when they go back to their Mom. I suspect it will be by her next hearing, Jan 26, though, it could always be sooner or later depending. Yes, they were with us for Christmas. No, she hasn't had even ONE visit (her choice) with them in 3 weeks. Makes me fairly angry, actually, but what can you do.


The Dr said they are both a little delayed (nothing school won't take care of)... and that I'm right to get them into Head Start. I'm trying to do that, but haven't been able to get them on the phone yet. I've been extremely fortunate that my friend Melissa (and Torrie, when not working) is taking care of them for now. Yovonne said she'll even watch them next week for me. So blessed. I want to give them consistency and let them stay close to home until they go to school... if I have to put them in daycare (DC), I will... but for now, I'm glad they get to be at home while I'm working.

So, yes, I do work. I work full-time still. I'm also still working on my Masters. I should *hopefully* be finished Dec of this year. :) I've just got a ton on my plate right now, I do know that. But life is good and it'll settle down sooner or later!

I'm not sure how much longer I'll foster. I might continue this year, or I might stop after the littles go home. We'll see. You know many years ago I felt that God was telling me I'd have a lot of children. I didn't know how it would turn out back then, but growing my 'family' through adoption and fostering has been a blessing in my life. Back then, I didn't intend to foster. Although, soon after that, I did realize that adoption was definitely a possibility.

I've officially had 5 foster kids now. Torrie, Bri, Brit, Kayla and Chase (my only boy, not my nephew). 6 children total, with Mia, of course. I pray that God always stays right with each of them and helps them live fulfilling lives. And, if I get to be in their lives (the fosters), then that would be completely awesome, too. If not, I know that God will take care of them for me. :)

Peace and blessings for this new year.

Fosters

On Thursday of last week (Dec 15), I received a call for two foster children in need of emergency placement. A little boy, age 3, and a little girl, age 4. C and K, respectively. I said yes, and did end up with the placement (oddly, since a DCBS family would usually take them... but no one would take 2 children at the same time).

So, they've been with us a week tomorrow. They may or may not be with us for Christmas. I will know more tomorrow. Their normal SW said that they would likely go home before Christmas. We shall see. They could.

I finished my semester with two B+'s. They weren't tough courses, just a tough semester.

I wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas.

Peace.

Thankful

I am so very thankful for my family and the love of my daughter. We've had a full fall and will likely have a busy winter, too. I have one more year or so left on my Masters degree. T got into NKU. Lil M is learning to read. She's also doing gymnastics and piano lessons. We're having fun. :)

What are you thankful for?

Peace.

Puzzle(d)

Ok, I'm not puzzled exactly... we've been doing lots of puzzles lately and so the past tense would be puzzled, right? ;-) Just trying to think of some kind of funny title this morning. Yep, I'm a goof.

So, T and G are living with us officially and have been here since Sept 17. In the past month we've celebrated T's 19th birthday and gotten all but a couple of things from the BF's house. I had to get all my paperwork, et al, completed for my annual Therapeutic FP licence. And, she applied to my Alma Mater. We got a copy of her HS diploma (yay!!) and transcripts. Praying she gets in to this school. That would be a HUGE blessing for her. One benefit for her is that she was still in foster care at 18 and, so, gets her college paid for! I keep praying she'll take full advantage of that and get her degree.

Oy, I just realized that this Saturday is our annual Foster Parent conference... that'll be all day. Ugh. I don't mind it, except it'll be a long day.

Baby G is settling in nicely, as is Torrie. She's a big help around the house. Mia likes having them around, I know. We got to have Baby B... who is no longer a baby ... this weekend. She turned 3 last week!!! So, what shall I call her now? Ok. Bri, it is. :) It was great having Bri over. I've been able to have her about once or twice a month since she left.

I received a call on Monday asking if I'd take a 10YO girl, potentially. They've put in my home study, so let's see what happens. She is the first that *might* be available for adoption at some point. I'm praying and praying over this one. Not to get her, necessarily, but that if I do that she's a good fit. I've asked if it is possible to meet her before placement (in the event I'm chosen)... but there are never any guarantees.

Torrie is funny because she acts all jealous when I tell her about possible referrals and such... and doesn't want to give up her room, of course. I think she realizes, even subconsciously, what she's got in me and Mia. I hope so, anyway. She's like... um, Melissa, you don't want her to teach Lil M bad things. LOL. She's right. I don't. And she'd say this about any potential referral, which I find kind of amusing. :)

I have about one year left for my Masters... I'm SO NOT motivated this semester. Can't seem to get in the groove at all. Oh wait. Maybe that's 'cause I've been so busy?!!

Peace.

Update - I did not get the placement of the 10yo girl... just didn't want  y'all to freak if I forgot to post that part! 

yellow and lime green

mmmmm coffee. Cinnamon Vanilla decaf, to be exact. :) That's what I'm drinking as I sit here contemplating what to write about this morning.

Let's see, it's been a week since Manna passed. Maggi is so sad she pooped in her bed. Ok, maybe not. But she did crap her bed. :(

Lil M likes school, but she didn't seem to want to go today. I think she just needed a day off, like I do. lol. But she's there (school) and I'm here (work)... so, I guess a day off will have to wait. :)

T and G are at the house this week... they've been with us since Saturday. She's painting 'her' room (her words) ... and it talking about getting all her stuff from the BF's house except some clothes. She seems fairly serious, since she's a) painting and b) hasn't asked to go back all week. So, let's see. I would like her to get away from the BF, but I'll remain cautiously optimistic until it actually happens. Oh, she registered for college this week. I was SO excited. :) Even told him that she wants to go back to school so that she doesn't have to make minimum wage for the rest of her life. Good girl. :) See... Mommy nagging can sometimes give you a glimmer of hope... again, cautiously optimistic here!!! LOL.

I've got to get a move on with my own classes this semester. Been somewhat out of it and, as usual, very busy. Not focused. But, I've only got one year left and I'll be done!! So. Get 'er done, right?

Did I mention that T's room is bright yellow and lime green??? She picked them. Yellow for her. Green for G. It looks like Lil M's room when we moved in, actually... except, there wasn't lime green on the walls, just in the window treatments. Which, I might suggest T use for her room, now. 

Peace.

And then there were 4

Right now there is just Lil M, me, Maggi and Skippy in the house. That's kind of weird. We've been a 'family' of 5 for 5 years now.

I have no idea what the future holds, but Lil M is already asking for a new puppy or kitty. Sheesh. I doubt we'll get another kitty. We might, but it's fairly unlikely.

Lil M seems to like school so far. :) And is wanting to learn to read, so we've been reading a lot. She can spell cat, hat, dog, a, at... and find them on a page. She can find other words when we spell them and look for them, too.

Yesterday was fairly stressful for me, but I managed. First, Maggi broke her lead. No news there. She does that often. She's still looking gorgeous after her grooming Tuesday. Love that. Then, work was stressful because we've got a release going in this weekend, and it was completely hosed yesterday. Things are better today... but as I sit here and type this, I hear my Lead talking about another issue. Great.

Then, Lil M had a make-up gymnastics session. That was good. But when we got home, I smelled something funny and realized I should check the laundry room... that's where I found Manna. :( So, I got a hold of the Vet and they let me take her there for cremation. 10,000 questions later (from Lil M, who doesn't grasp death, yet), and we get home...

Then, I couldn't find my work cell phone.

Egad.

I looked everywhere. Twice, thrice, 4-times... to no avail. Maybe I left it at gymnastics? Hmm... I run out in the rain to make sure I didn't drop it in the driveway or the road... nope.

Must. sleep.

....

As I was getting ready for work this morning, I received a call from the Vet's office saying they found my phone in the parking lot. It was a little wet, but seemed fine. Well. That's why I couldn't find the dang thing. Alrighty then. Thank goodness they found it. It probably helped that my morning alarm was ringing. :)

I told my boss about the potential loss, and he said it wouldn't have been a huge deal... thank goodness. But I'm so glad they found it. :)

What do you think the odds are that Lil M will convince me to buy a new pet here soon?? LOL

peace.

Manna Fanna

My very beloved cat, Manna, passed away yesterday. She was with me for 18 years, and was the very best cat, ev'a.

She walked through a huge portion of my life with me... college, guys, moves, apartments, house-buying, graduation, cats, dogs, adoption, job changes, fostering, college again... She was a GREAT companion and I will miss her greatly.

Rest In Peace Manna
7/2/1993 to 9/14/2011
May you have all the tuna you could ever want
up there in Heaven with the big Guy. :)

Peace.

A SMALL PEBBLE IN A POND:: In Honor of Awareness, Friendship, and Understandi...

Love this post, so I'm sharing it. :)

A SMALL PEBBLE IN A POND:: In Honor of Awareness, Friendship, and Understandi...

A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell.
He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of a little boy.

"Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies."

"Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money."

The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer.

"I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?"

"Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. "Here, Dolly!" he called.

Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur.

The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight. As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse.

Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up...

"I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt. The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said,
"Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."

With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his
trousers.

In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe.

Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands."

With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup.



Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy.

"How much?" asked the little boy... "No charge," answered the farmer, "There's no charge for love."

The world is full of people who need someone who understands. 

Peace.

Today's thoughts

I've been doing a bit of reminiscing these past couple of weeks that Lil M has started elementary school.

Up to this point, Lil M has been somewhat sheltered. I say somewhat because she did attend a daycare/preschool for 4 years and has made friends in that setting and has had teachers. It wasn't a religious school, but her last two teachers were definitely believers and they were great. She did well there.

She learned how to share and make friends and clean up when asked. She learned her ABC's and counting and writing her name. She listened to stories and got to have water days and go to birthday parties. Hopefully, she'll get to continue some of those friendships well into her life.

Time has literally flown by.

I can't believe it was over 5 years ago that we came home together. She's always been a beautiful child. Quiet, 'refined' personality. She can be precocious and definitely silly. She has a fabulous laugh and an infectious smile. She is very caring and gentle. She is a happy girl.

I get to learn more about her every day. Like the fact that she didn't like all eyes on her at her birthday party. It made her uncomfortable. Like the fact that she hardly ever cries, even now. And when she is upset, it feels like it takes an act of God to get her to talk... but she is doing much better these days. It takes awhile, but she is starting to trust that it is truly OK to talk to Mommy when something is wrong. I love seeing her open up and telling me when she is upset. It is a huge step, IMO.

She is stubborn, just like her Mommy. She won't budge unless she wants to. Thankfully, most of the time she wants to. :)

When asked, she says she has two sisters. One older and one younger. (Torrie and Bri). And said if she had another she wouldn't want a brother (go figure, lol)... personally, I think that if given the chance, she wouldn't have to share Mommy at all... :) 

She's been talking about her first Mom recently... and talks about China fairly regularly. I'm going to try to get her into Chinese school here soon. I hope she likes it and she continues to share her thoughts. When asked if she looked like me, she said an emphatic no. She said she has brown skin and I don't. I wonder if she'd say the same thing about Mimi and me... since Mimi has a nice tan right now and I'm still quite pasty white. Ok, no luck there since we're twins, I guess. LOL ;-)

Peace.

A Nickel birthday

Birthday girl... turned 5. :)

We had a great weekend. I think Lil M might remember this one. :D


Peace.

Last day of 4

First pic is of Day 2 ...getting ready to leave for Kindergarten.

The next few pics are of this morning... my girl's 3rd full day at Kindergarten and her last day of being 4YO. Big birthday tomorrow. :)
After today, I'm not allowed to walk her to class. So, I had to have the teacher-aide take this for us. :D

Peace.