Good talk

Had lunch today (updated- actually yesterday) with my friend Ellen... we had a good little talk. Actually, no talk with us is little. lol. :) So, I've decided I should write down some more of my thoughts on everything that's been going on lately.

First, I am kind of in a unique position to be able to make the decisions I can make for myself and my family right now. And every decision I make is with prayerful and heartfelt consideration. I don't do it because I'm trying to be saintly or because I think I'm better than any other human being on this earth. And, I will say that I do make some decisions based on my own selfish wants or my own perceived needs.

I first got involved in foster-care (read: went through the training) so that I could 'family build'. I didn't really set out to do this temporarily or to take older children. But things change, right? And, now I've got a 17 year old with me right now. I don't have to accept placement until next week... and I've gone back and forth, back and forth on whether or not to accept it or not. I've definitely had my fears with this one. And, not even substantiated ones... just the "unknown", mostly.

You know what I find most interesting (read: disturbing)... just how for or against foster care people are. I mean, I thought the perception about adoption was bad. The negative perceptions about foster kids is just astronomical. Of course, then there's the other extreme... people who seem to think I will be a bad person (inferred) if I don't take the placement (since there is nothing wrong with her, but her "age"... and she is helpful... and it's only a few months...and if I "can't make this one work, how could I make any one work"... which is hugely unfair). Very interesting, indeed.

IF I decide not to take placement... or if I DO accept placement... it's really no one else's right to judge me.

The good thing is that my friends and family who have met her so far seem to like her. And likewise. She even said she had fun going to Frisch's tonight!!! HAHA. So, maybe she does like being here. Wonder how she might do when she gets back to school, though.

Right now she is organizing her room, though. :) I don't think I've ever known a teenager who liked to organize so much, lol.

Peace.

On point

Page of Swords Reversed
You need to learn to trust people. Relax your expectations a bit. Not everything can be equal at all times. Inequality may be the deciding force in this situation, and you must accept this. A need to be more spontaneous. Free yourself from the rules and regulations. You are seen as steadfast and unwavering in your judgment. Throw caution to the wind and live a little.

More time

Christmas was good. Lil M, *T* and I went to my sister's for Christmas Eve and Day. *T* said it was the best Christmas she'd ever had, and that she's never gotten so many gifts. Then she said, it was unfortunate that she couldn't have had that kind of Christmas with her own Mom. I agreed. I am glad, though, that she enjoyed being with us for Christmas. That was my biggest goal... to make her holiday a nice one. And, it wasn't just about me and what I did... it was all of my friends and family. They were absolutely wonderful to her...

She's been moving things around the house and trying to get her room set to her likes. Apparently, she likes to move things around a lot. I don't. But I'm trying to accommodate her on that as much as I can. Some things, I just won't budge, though.

Lil M seems to be getting used to the idea that T is here and she seems to like her. Speaking of Lil M. She had a great Christmas. She got so wound up by shopping, wrapping presents and then getting a TON of presents...and then hanging out with everyone. She was wired for sound. I had to try to get her to come down a notch today, and will again tomorrow I think. She also needs to realize that even though T is nice, she still has to listen to me. I'm law around here.

I've asked the foster agency to give me more time until I have to decide if I'm going to take placement of *T*. Everything is fine so far, except she was 1/2 hour late getting back from her home visit tonight. I told her she gets one and only one warning. There is no excuse for being late, and to me that shows lack of respect/trust. On the plus side, she did call (5 minutes late)... and they gave me some excuse that her Mom needed gas. To which I replied, it doesn't take a 1/2 hour to get gas.

I guess I'm concerned mostly that I do not have teenager experience and she's going to try to run over me. There is a lot less control with a teenager than there is with a toddler. And I'd expect that... but I'm not sure if I'm really equipped to handle it. On the flip side... it couldn't hurt her to be with a woman like me for awhile. She might not like my rules... but in the long run, I think she might realize that there really are women (like me) out there who are independent thinkers and doers. And that she doesn't have to cave into a lifestyle her family brought her into.

Also, I realize I could make the decision on Monday. And that T only needs placement until October, so it's not a several year prospect, just a few months. Which does ease my mind, a bit. I'm going to see how this goes, and if it goes well, I could likely do it again. If not, then I might take a break for awhile.

Please send up some prayers.

Peace.

Worn out...

So, I did get my first foster placement today. It's been a long day! We met her about 2pm and went straight to the store to get her a few things. I'm sure we'll do that a couple more times this week until she gets settled. But so far, so good. She is, in fact, a 17 year old girl, and she's taller than me. lol. She seems nice. Let's see how we do this week, it'll be an adjustment for all of us for sure.

My dad has wanted us to go see Christmas lights tonight, and I left it up to T as to whether or not she wanted us to go. She said she did, so we made the drive. It was freezing cold out, but we all had fun. I left my camera in the trunk of the car, and only got some pics on my phone, which was a bummer, oh well.

She's off this week from school, so I'm going to let her stay at the house during the day without us. Trust-building for sure. lol. I think she'll do ok. She's already talking about getting stuff more organized around here. Too funny. :) Hey, if it makes her comfortable, more power to her!!

Will write more later.

Peace.

Placement

So, I guess soon I'll know who my true friends are and which ones think I'm beyond nuts. :)

I've accepted a temporary placement of a 17 year old girl starting Sunday sometime. Temporary, in that she'll be with me at least through next week. If things work out for all of us, she'll stay here as a placement for awhile. Please send up a prayer for all of us, and I'll certainly keep everyone updated.

She's significantly older than I thought I'd ever accept, but I am a licensed foster parent and I figured I have nothing to lose by accepting a placement. If it doesn't work out, they'll find her a different placement.

This, of course, is part of the reason the ex-bf and I broke up. Maybe I'll decide this route is for me, or I'll decide it's not, but I need to leave the door open. So, to my friends and family out there, please be patient and open if you can. :)

I'm excited and very nervous. And the first thing I had to do was call them back and ask if she could stay with someone else next Saturday because my Mom is coming to my house and she is particular. Since she only comes once a year... I figured it best to not rock that boat.

Peace.

Santa

So, Lil M told me tonight that Santa is the reason for Christmas. And I can tell she really thinks that... even at 3 years old... and I wasn't very happy about that, of course. But, it is sort of understandable.... Santa is EVERYWHERE.

Well, I'm not going to be the most popular person here soon, 'cause this Momma has to put a stop to it. I'm not getting rid of Santa completely... but sheesh.

So, how do you de-santa Christmas????

Jesus is the reason for Christmas, and I need to teach Mia that... starting now. :)

Peace.

Appreciative

So, I never thought about how much my grandmother actually helped us when we were little. Today, I went to buy a bed to put in the 2nd bedroom. It was $249 (including tax and delivery)... for a twin bed - mattress, box springs and metal frame. No headboard.

Then, I remembered that when we were young, my grandmother went out and bought Sis and I brand new beds... twin beds with mattresses, frames and box springs... AND headboards. TWO of them. Egad. I have to wonder what that set her back. And, for this moment, I'm so thankful. Maybe she paid it forward so I would someday. :)

Of course, we were family and she always did right by us and my Mom. But still. She always had to do double. Think on that for a bit. :)

Now, I need to go get some extra sheets, a water-proof mattress pad (just in case) and maybe a bed skirt. I remember our beds always being decked out. Now I understand the appeal.

Sort of scary that I bought a bed for a potential-child before I spent the money on one for me. I've had the same bed my step-mother gave me 20 years ago, and it was used then... HOW SAD, huh???? LOL

So, next year it is important for me to save up for my own new bed. WITH a headboard ('cause I don't have one of those right now either). And maybe a new TV. ;-)

Peace.

emergency placement call

So, I got my 2nd emergency placement call today. It has to go through the channels, and there are other families available, so it isn't necessarily going to happen... but I should be ready this time, regardless. This is for a 7YO girl. The bed I ordered is very basic, but I figure if I do get the referral, I'll go get some cute (but cheap) bedding. Or, use what I have, but I don't have much in the twin-bed size, so eventually, I'd have to get something anyway.

**Updated - the referral went to a non-therapeutic home... so, not a go this time. But I'll be ready if/when they call again. Of course, I still do feel a little bit let down.

Other than that... just getting ready for Christmas. :)

Peace

Back on the Run

I ran one day last week, 3.1 miles... and then tonight I ran 3.6 and did pilates for 15 minutes. I'll probably hurt a bit tomorrow... but it was good to get a good run in. Even if I can get this done a couple of times a week right now, I'd be very happy. :)

This week has been OK so far... I bought Lil M a Christmas dress over the weekend, and it'll be neat to see her wear it. I should have bought it earlier, since we already went to a Christmas party, but that's ok. :) Her dress came with a doll dress that matches, hehe, and now I've got to figure out which doll can wear it!! That's going to be adorable. Ok, I'll step back from the adoring gushy mommy moment here. lol

It feels like it's been a long week and it's only Tue night. I can't believe Christmas is almost here... the lady at daycare laughed (not meanly) at me because I said that part of Lil M's gifts will be from me and some from Santa... but mostly from me. :) She thinks I'm nuts. You know... go with the flow Melissa. It's JUST SANTA. ;-) Seriously, she wasn't being mean, and she didn't say all that.... but I could tell she was probably thinking it.

Peace.

WFMW - coffee online

Today is Works For Me Wednesday... so, please go check out some great ideas from other bloggers.

My WFMW thought today is about coffee. I love coffee. But, I don't always like the coffee at the grocery store. Sis started on Boca Java last year, which is an online coffee company, and I actually like their coffee really well. So, this year, I've been ordering coffee online, on an 8-week schedule. Just one or two packs at a time, but it is convenient and I like it. :) So, that's what's been working for me. Kind of a little thing, but it takes the thought of what kind of coffee I'll have to get from the grocery, or go to a specialty store.

Peace.