Thursday, October 15, 2009


So, have you ever thought about self-worth? I mean... people go on and on and on about love. Love others. Love yourself. Or not. But it's all about love.

And I mostly agree with that. Love is good. And it is certainly something I espouse to do. ;-)

But it has occurred to me recently that I don't feel so "worthy"... worthy of expressing my own needs and wants. Worthy of not only expressing them, but demanding them as an equal person among all of my friends and family and anyone else on the street. Yes. I am worthy. Not just lovable, but worthy.

And oddly, I've always felt like someone else's needs were more important than my own. Why? I don't know. This isn't even the 'mother' or 'woman' complex. It is really just a core feeling. Something I've felt since before I can even remember... and, yet, it is just not right. I mean, really. It is important to love other people. But it is also important to know and love yourself. And part of loving yourself is acknowledging what your own needs are and realizing that it is OK to have those needs. It is not being self-righteous or even selfish in the normal negative connotation. It is just realizing that you are equally as worthy as those you love and defend and take care of.

And when we put ourselves down and let other people lord over us, it is not good. I believe that is what it is, "Lording". Putting others before your own self is like putting them on some type of pedestal ... like they are better or greater than you and your own self and your own needs.

And that's exactly what I've done my entire life. Even when others can't see it, it's been my modus operandi (MO). And when others can't figure out my needs, then I get upset. Why can't they see it? ... well, they can't see it because they can't read minds and if I don't tell them, how do I expect that they will see it???

So, this is what I'm trying to learn... and it probably sounds super easy for some people. And those people would probably think me nuts for even bringing up the subject. But, I have to be honest with myself... I need to learn that I am worthy just for being me. I am good enough as is.

Isn't it interesting the things we learn as we grow up and how convoluted our self-perception can be? I would really prefer not to pass this learned behavior on to my daughter. So, I better figure out how to deal with it now! :)



Beautiful Mess said...

I totally expect my friends and family to read my mind. I do not like to tell them how I'm feeling. Makes me feel all dramatic and stuff. I'm getting better, but I would MUCH prefer them to read my mind ;o)It would make my life SO much easier!

You are worthy of love and having your feelings validated. I hope you realize that and make sure to tell the people in your life that!

Kari said...

Hi, thanks for stopping by my blog. Yes, the scones are very easy! I'm going to be making them more now that I know how easy they are. I enjoyed reading your post. Have a great day:)

KAR said...

You know, I totally get where you're coming from with this. I have a habit about putting other people's needs before mine. I was especially bad about it in my 20s, but I've become a little more assertive in my 30s.

I don't know if it's a "woman" thing or a "mom" thing either. It just seems to be this idea that everyone is more worthy than me in terms of having their needs and wants met.

I think the first major step I ever took out of that frame of my mind is to go back and pursue my degree. It was mine, mine, mine. I had my reasons that would benefit my family (one day) but that was really mine - for me.

Good luck with it and thanks for stopping by!

MissMeliss said...

Hey, Kar, thanks for stopping by!! :) Yes, I also felt the same way about my degree... it is MINE. :)

"It just seems to be this idea that everyone is more worthy than me in terms of having their needs and wants met. " ... that's exactly it for me. But I'm working on it.